dyan24

2005-10-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

back to love

i'm feeling the way you cross my mind

and you save me in the nick of time

i'm riding the highs

i'm digging the lows

cause at least i feel alive

i've never faced

so many emotional days

but my life is good

i'm feeling you <3

it made my day..it made day..it made my day..it's stupid how he makes my day;)

i could do it again, and again, and again...

i put the list of cations and anions above my pc! i intend to put it beside the bed too. HAHA

time flies...3rd quarter na. i'm so excited about the class renaissance project, and the fact that there's no pt for this quarter, and chem magic!

i'm realizing now how important it was for me to stop stressing. i'm realizing now how amazing it is to feel light. it's not like the issues aren't there anymore, they always will be...but i just choose not to think of them as issues anymore. i just choose to be happy. and i am. and lately it's been good. i don't have to try so hard anymore. the smiles feel real.

it's all good. it's all good...

love love love the world <3>

2005-10-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

sugar, we're going down

happy day yesterday!! went to ayala to watch "gio puyat and the band!" saw ramon and jc on the way, and ivan in the bazaar itself! hahahaha;) we got there pretty early, at around 3, so we walked around first and checked out stuff from the bazaar...then when carla was done with her bazaar duties we walked around some more and ate. tapos eventually we saw sila gio and we went with them na to go to gio's house. mario's so CUTE!! carla's prom date;) akin si joseph! tapos the guys jammed for a little while muna before leaving, and even then i was really proud na, they're good talaga eh. so after that we went back na to the park so could setup or whatever it is that they do before performing, tapos we just sat around and took pictures with joseph aka gio's very cute little brother! tapos people started coming na, then tinio eventually came, tapos esca's little brothers came...OMG RAPPY IS SO CUTE!! hahahaha, i swear i love all the little brothers right now.;) tapos at around 7 they performed na! hahahahahaha i'm so fucking proud of them!! they were really good! hahaha ayaw na nga iwan yun stage eh. hahahaha basta basta basta they did really well talaga!;) after that we just sat around dun sa may labas and ate and took more pictures and bonded. we went home at around 9...hahaha happy day. i missed those guys.;)

I WANT TO WATCH DUBAI

hahahahahahaha

there is hope. there is hope. i just hope things don't take a step back.

you're the laughter that breaks the silence;)

2005-10-15T01:43:00.000-07:00

sleepyhead

exams are OVER!

yeeeeeeeeeeheeessssssss.

i want to go out tomorrow, go to greenhills and tiangge shop with jess and viv. but i don't think i can. i want to go to ayala tomorrow to watch the boys' gig! (grammar check please) but i don't think i can either.

gooooodluck guys! i know i know i know you can do it ;) i'm very proud ;)

janyn, marge, bibien and isabelle are nag-dadayswiththelord right now. wooohooo. "JESUS CHRIST IS MY HOMEBOY!" haha i love you guys >:D<

am i dreaming now

walking on the moonlight

i don't know how to reach you, baby

everytime i try to move closer

*i'm in my house mood*

...sometimes i try so hard to understand where everything comes from. all the anger, all the resentment, all the bitterness, all the regret, all the pain...i mean, naisip ko, tao lang ako. napapagod din. saan nanggagaling lahat ito? hindi ba dapat eventually we get used to all this crap and get numb? why does it always have to shit?

new thought, though: it only shits if you think it's shit.

I REFUSE TO THINK OF IT AS SHIT THEN.

watched Ballet Philippines at the CCP kanina. mygod, they were awesome. that's what i call STRENGTH. and talent.

the worst is over, you can have the best of me

"if i fall will you care enough to at least try to catch me?"

2005-10-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

chem pt tomorrow

my brain is not functioning

*dyan's list of insecurities* - 10 pages long

hahaha, labo

study group with jess, carla and viv! got stuck on moles

freaking moles

i love my friends. dammit i do.

*idealistic dreams/career mode* GUYS, WE'RE GOING PLACES!

harhar, sabaw

2005-10-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

damn side comments

i am dying to change my layout but i cannot find the right ONE

btw, filipino and cle exams tomorrow and i have still NOT studied filipino like a proper person

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME, EXACTLY??

rephrase:

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD, EXACTLY??

new resolution: stop caring, stop looking, or die trying

either way it all falls down

it's all such a beautiful, beautiful DISASTER

2005-10-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

your own disaster

okay, i just read diane mejilla's blog (diane, i miss you mucho!)...

OKAY. maybe that's kinda what i need too. "dyan, i don't like you."

maybe then i'd finally wake up to the reality that it is never going to happen. ever. that way i can focus my attention on other things...other things, and other people actually worth working on.

jess told me too, finally. she told me to let it go. wala naman daw mararating eh. either way daw wala talaga.

she's kind of right. actually she's completely right. but that doesn't make it any less painful or disappointing.

but i guess it's all my fault. it's not his fault he doesn't like me back. it's not his fault i feel that way. it's not like he ever did anything to me to make me feel this way. it's not his fault i chose his footsteps, his path, out of all the others. none of it is his fault. none of it is anyone's fault.

it really is all my fault...we make our own pain.

i need new interests. seriously.

i love you janyn. i really do. and i'm sorry.

we'll get through this. *we're all so much better than they think.*

2005-10-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

one more try

i have decided that i am not giving up. what for? i believe in it naman eh, somehow..i just don't wanna go on with my life knowing i didn't give it a try. and it is, i know, most probably never going to work out the way i want it to, but still..i like this boy. isn't that enough for me to at least try?

i don't want to give in anymore. i'm so tired of losing grip of all my dreams.

and for once i just want to reach out and feel something more than just air.

i read this girl's blog the other day...she said something about how amazing it is to be that someone, that one person, who never gives up on the person she cares for, no matter how impossible and pathetic things may seem sometimes. i know we all want that someone who will never give up on us and will always be there for us...but don't you want to be that person too? doesn't it feel so good to be that one person who cares enough to never give up? doesn't it make you feel alive? i know it hurts most of the time...but isn't it a beautiful feeling, knowing that there is one thing in your life you love enough to never give up on?

ANG LABO. but i'm tamad to explain myself.

all i know is i want my life to be a happy event. i want to SMILE. and i think now i'm starting to understand that the only way i can be happy is if i make the most of my chances.

so it's time to take my chances. bahala na if it ends up tearing me apart.

2005-10-02T11:53:00.000-07:00

it's been a long time!

bullshiet gago friendster SHITS!!! they like included this program thing where people can see who viewed their profile. PUNYETA! my stalking days are over gago. OVER done and FINISHED. ima miss those days of friendster-ing all day and gossiping over other people's testimonials. hayy buhay. ohweell. guess it's a sign from God telling me that i really should get a life.

so much has happened this past few weeks.

intrams: GO XYGENZ GO! goddammit ima miss cheerleading so much. there's nothing like that rush you get when you perform. i love how it feels to run out of breath and to smile until it hurts and to scream your lungs out. i love how it feels to be around such a big group of people and feel so one with them. i've made so much friends through cheerleading. it's a nice feeling, knowing lots of different people who come from different groups and have their own worlds..but then at some point you get to bond over something. at some point there's some kind of common ground between you guys, and suddenly you feel like you guys aren't so different naman pala. i just wish it lasted all year round. kasi once intrams ends we stop talking to each other and start going back to our own worlds again, so it's like we just wait for intrams season to start again for us to start bonding again. howeeelll. and i think our batch is starting to have some unity na. we can get so apathetic sometimes kasi eh. and sometimes it gets so irritating. most of us included in the intrams shit work so freaking hard to get our routines perfect and our serves perfect and our sets perfect and our games perfect, and we practice for the longest time and sacrifice so much of our time only to perform and play on that day without support from our batchmates. that really shits. our players are so amazingly good, seriously lang. they really rock. and i know they work hard. haha. and un nga, it's nice to know na for the intrams this year people actually acted like they cared. ang sarap kaya ng feeling, being part of an incerdibly large amount of people, all working and cheering for the same thing. there's nothing like that feeling of solidarity. i love organized sports. HAHA LABO.

watched din the ateneo-dlsu game with sila gio. ateneo lost. that shits too, big time. ohweell. may araw din ang dlsu. hehe. go ateneo!

carla's birthday surprise yesterday. i feel so bad kasi it was kinda sabog. sobrang labo kasi ng plans and..wala lang, sayang tlga. i just wish we had worked on it and fixed shit earlier para hindi naman naging maayos siya. i just hope carla knows how much we love her, because we REALLY DO. we really really do. tapos hindi pa pumunta sila gio for godknowswhatreason, ohwell bahala sila. we went to eastwood after and just bonded, pero medyo sabog din yun kasi when we went to oj's they wouldn't give them alcohol and i know carla really wanted to drink for her birthday...and it just shits na hindi namin un nabigay to her. sayang pa that she left early, kasi when we moved to dencio's nagbigay naman sila ng cuervo to sila janyn. wahhh i'm so sorry carla. i love you.;) most of them left kind of early, like mga 10+, tapos we stayed pa so viv could hang out with her boys and we could sama her. hahaha i like those lsgh boys! haha astig sila. nice people. and we saw sila ramon! hehe strangely i kinda missed those guys. hehe. and marlo was sabog na so ang kuuuuliiit niya! hahaha patawa, i swear. pero pucha i got home like 1am na so now i think i'm grounded for the next two weeks. ohwell. i'll stay home nalang hanggang fair. 22nd pa naman un eh.

i think it shits that they get to us so much. i mean, we're so attached to them and i don't think they even give that much of a shit. i think naman the only reason din that we get affected so much is because we love them so much. ohhweell. if they're gonna let go it's not like there's anything we can do. i like to think we loved them as much as we could. ganun talaga buhay eh. the amazing things never last. but ima miss those guys, if ever they really go. i really love them. i really really do. noone's ever gonna replace them. i'll always keep the memories with me..atleast we had a year diba?

october na at wala parin mabuting nangyayari sa buhay ko. i.am.still.hung.up.on.him. and i know naman eh. i know naman talaga that there's no hope eh. i know naman talaga that it's never gonna happen eh. pero tao lang ako eh. it's not my fault that i can't seem to let it go. because i want to. i wanna be over and done with liking him so i can open myself up to new people and actually find someone worth liking. pero wala eh. whatever.

dream on, dyan. you're not getting him. you never will.

i watch myself fall apart as you s l o w l y fade away...

if you're going, at least warn me. i wanna be ready. that way it won't hurt as much.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLA AND GELO!

2005-09-11T15:00:00.000-07:00

turning point

esca's surprise party is over and done! hahaha we planned it for so long and now it is done. finito. over. finished. hahaha. it was a success naman, i guess...i like to think that he was really surprised talaga and he was touched with the whole barney theme and the little banner thing janyn did. we ended up doing it in nico's house since we weren't allowed to use hod...thanks nico! we love you;) soo anyways...after the surprise all we really did was eat and bum around. the boys had beer so they were drinking and messing around, and grabe, i swear, nagkakaron sila ng sariling WORLD once nagstart na sila sa music thing nila. i swear to God malupit talaga ang mga ito kapag nakahawak na ng guitar. HAHAHAHA;) but they're all really good, though. they have a lot of potential. i'm really proud of them;) after awhile we got bored so we just went outside and sat on the sidewalk right in front of nico's house and just bonded and talked. the boys were all inside singing their heads off (which is cute, honestly speaking), so all girls lang muna kami. we ended up talking about prom and the harsh realities of life and how unfair things can get sometimes...hay. life talaga, parang buhay. nico came out after awhile and bonded with us din. i swear to God i love that boy like hell. gio came out soon after and told us that MISH WAS COMING YAYY!! so we all just sat around and talked and bonded and eventually some of the boys came out and sat around nadin, but some of them stayed inside. mish came eventually tapos it took so long for gio to come out (awww nagayos pa!hehe), pero finally he did, tapos ayun. everyone just sat around again and talked..then we got bored and decided to move inside. so we went to the garden again and SAT AROUND AND TALKED AGAIN. hahahaha ang labo talaga ng mundo. there were lots of realizations and new ideas though. HAHA;) so i guess that's all we did...sat around and talked. pero we got to know josh! omg he's such a nice guy! i like him a lot! hehe;) and we all got to bond naman, in a way...so eventually mish's driver came na and we had to go, so we said bye to the guys and left na. ahaha i love those boys talaga.;) during the car ride we rolled down the windows and sang and talked and mostly just laughed...it's a different feeling, leaving the windows down and feeling the air on your face. i love friday nights. they make me feel so alive. we got to mish's house after awhile and ATE. AS IN ATE. all kinds of shit. ice cream, combos, mac n cheese, vienna sausage and rice, pudding...EVERYTHING. i love it when we bond over food. we learn so much about each other, i swear. we all got to talk to mish about some stuff and got clear about some pretty important issues...i love you mish. i'm so glad you're back. just so you know, i missed you like hell.:) we had to go home eventually...but we all talked in the car anyways and screamed and cried some more. haha labo nations please. i love my friends.;)

yesterday was carl's 7th birthday party. jess and marge came over and we just ate and bonded and talked more. hayyy buhay talaga minsan oh. hindi ko na talaga naiintindihan. "it always rains the hardest on the ones that deserve the sun."

naks ahh i'm so emo right now. HAHA WHO ISN'T, BTW??? it is in times like this that we all need to do a gio and listen to emo. diba?

i'm willing to take whatever he can give...i'm not asking for much anymore. i'm THIS desperate. i'm willing to take the instability and unpredictability and all the other shit that comes with it...that comes with him. i don't care. i'm fine with what he is. if that's what he chooses to be it's perfectly fine with me. i'm not asking for the dream...just him. that's enough for me.

as if. as if i can ever have him. AS IF. AS FUCKING IF.

i'll wait for you but i can't wait forever

chem lq tomorrow. once again, this shit is bull

btw: esca's birthday tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAYMUND!;) take care;)

2005-09-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

i wanna come FIRST

AND SO AND SO AND SO! september na.

ohhh yeahhhh baby. it's time to FLY.

hahaha sabaw. just like jess, i predict many many sabaw moments coming in the next few days....and this sabawness is not the healthy happy kind...how i wish it was that way nalang.

summer: do you miss him? marissa: yeah. everyday.

me too...obviously not ryan, pero...well. yeah. whatever.

this shit is bull.

hahahahahahhaha only 3 and a half days of school for this week!

*i miss my friends. i miss sophomore year. i miss everything.*

i also really miss...michelle. 2nd year music class. every morning chismis. impromptu bondings...planning parties in the weirdest, most sabaw, most idealistic ways. i miss eating chocolate in class. i miss those weirdo flying hearts in the gratitude bulletin board. i really miss those windows...

wahhh.

2005-08-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

false alarms please

HAHA hindi pa pala september ngayon. bukas pa pala.

HAHAHA SABAW PLEASE.

drama unfolds today. some people....pucha, backstabber bitch talaga. how could she do that to us? whatabiaaatch big time

howeel. we're not wasting our time on people like her. we're not wasting our time on any of the shit they're all obsessed with. DUH. we have better things to do, thankyouverymuch.

TAMAD NATIONS PLEASE!

what will it take to make you understand that i wasn't lying when i told you i need you?

still do. don't know why, but i still do

STUDY TIME

2005-08-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

SEPTEMBER NA BUKAS

bakit ganito parang kahapon lang ay june pa lang at kauumpisa pa lamang ng ating pangatlong taon sa mataas na paaralan pero ngayon ay SEPTEMBER NA! napakabilis ng panahon.

i swear sobrang sabaw ng world. time flies by so fast. and it is true. third year is uberbilis. i can just feel it. this year is gonna be gone before i know it.

things i look forward to this September:

8-halfday, teacher's day

9-no school

12-esca's birthday!

14-pugsley's birthday!

24-intramurals

hmm...i can't think of anything else na eh. haha;)

watched the O.C kahapon. DAMDAMNATIONS PLEASE!! seth and summer got back together. shiiiiiiiieeeeet i guess that means there is hope for the rest of the world....

zack: You can't fight fate.

damn right you can't.

watched din sisterhood of the travelling pants last saturday with janyn, jess and viv. so nice;) i realized that yeah, we can all be happy. we can be as happy as we make ourselves out to be. we all have chances...all we gotta do is take it. everything can be magic if we want it to be.;) life shits but we don't have to die. hahaha

"we belong together. like seth and summer."

today i went to viv's house nun morning to do research....patay na, our exepriment failed eh. oh my sabaw. we have to talk to our teacher pa if we can change it...i hope she lets us. we'll be uberdead and rotting if she doesn't. went to jessi's house after and bonded with janyn and marge and jess. I HAD KFC FOR LUNCH! janyn left early though. hahaha narerealize ko lang now na ang sabaw ng araw na to. BUT I LOVE SABAW DAYS;) it's the little things that count.

DAME MAS GASOLINA!

damn that gasoline?? NYAHA. i don't know what it means.

happy thought na pahabol: no bigtime homework to do!

2005-08-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

what for?

how come you choose to be the laughter in my silence? the song in my head before i go to bed? that footstep in the sand washed away when the waves come crashing? why do you have to be the dream i never thought id want? why do you have to keep me awake at night? why is it that i ask for the unaskable? why do you always make me want to dance in the rain? what is it with you, what is it within you, what hold is it that you have over me? why do you have to be my one defining moment, the answer to all my questions? why you? why me? why did you have to be that one complication, that one ultimate loss...why did you have to make me and break me. i can no longer put the pieces back together

sorry, i was bored again.

drama nations today please. my grades are...fine, i guess. i guess i was hoping for better, pero in general naman they're actually pretty good. i just want more...dammit. i gotta work harder.

I.WANT.TO.BE.THE.DREAM.

it's getting sad. and i'm running out of time...i just want a chance. not a lifetime. one night. one conversation. one moment. just this once, i want to know what it feels like...to know i got my dream, my fairytale, my one perfect day. i just want to KNOW.

do i only want him because i'm alone? do i only want him because i know i can't have him?

but why is it that i had to pick his path, his footsteps, out of all the others? why did i choose to follow in his direction? why do i have to want to be a part of his life? why him? out of all the people in this world, why him? why that one weird boy i can never seem to find?

ang labo talaga ng world...

*MISH IS COMING BACK TOMORROW! HAPPY;) i miss herü*

bonding bukas, i miss my friends MUCHO. i need MY KFC!!

2005-08-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

verbal diarhhea (diarrhea? diarrhhea? WHAT THE FUCK)

so tonight as i go to bed i hope that when i wake up the next morning my sorrows will be gone and the empty feeling will subside and i will stop having my rollercoaster mood swings and FOR ONCE i will feel things as they are and not be weird about everything and take action and make things happen and not always have to overanalyze and crap-icize myself. and then hopefully i will not always have to bring myself down and be nice just to please other people and shut my mouth even if they have been shitting me for god knows how long and i will no longer have to keep falling apart over and over again because i always have to keep smiling even if i want to hit them in the face and push them off the stairs because they have done nothing, absolutely nothing, but make me feel worse about myself. and maybe it's my fault they do so; most probably it's just me bullshitting myself and maybe they honestly never mean any of it, but the looks they always have to give me when i do something i'm actually proud of tapos alam mo yun, the looks on their faces ALWAYS have to zap whatsoever enthusiasm i have in me just like that. and i'm 1000000 percent sure that people aren't made like that, that there are no such people who would do that kind of bullshit intentionally (well, there probably is someone out there who is like that..but i've been lucky not to know this said pathetic person)...bottom line is i never feel like a happy high not on a low with a real smile person when they are around. well actually i do; they have managed to put smiles on my face more than anyone ever could, i carry with me the most fantabulous memories of sunlit days and long walks and talks about that star in the sky and that worm on the floor, but i think sometimes are brains can go whacko and choose to hide these kinds of things and instead keep reminding us of the bad times and the painful times and the times you had to laugh it off even if you wanted to run away and spend the rest of lunch period in the bathroom, and in the end things are never the same, because the apprehension and the mistrust and the insecurity lingers on and stays no matter how much you battle with it. and then relationships are strained, gaps grow stronger, and before you know it it's all gone. there is nothing left but awkward silence and uncomfortable sitting positions because it's incredibly weird to be in the presence of a person who used to be the bestest of all your friends and now you find yourself thinking that you have nothing to say and you don't feel bad about it, because now all you feel and remember is the fact that they are, in fact, one of the biggest, if not the most important reasons you can never seem to pick yourself up and put the broken pieces of your life back together. you don't stop loving them but instead you find yourself wishing you could be as far away from them as possible, because nowadays all you feel when you're around them is this immsense fear that they are on their way to destroying the very little security you have built upon yourself yet again, and once again you will find yourself at a loss with nothing to say and nothing to think because you've lost yourself-again. but then again it is VERY MUCH POSSIBLE that i am only scapegoating; using these people as an excuse, a way out, a reason, something to blame for all the pain i have had in my life. and i'm sorry for that. i'm sorry i have to feel this way all the time. i'm sorry to all the people i have had to bullshit just because. i feel sorry for myself because i bring my own pain and i strengthen my own insecurities and above everyone else it is really me who brings myself down. maybe all i'm asking for is a chance-a chance to throw all my cautions to the wind and dance in the middle of the street and not care, and once, just once, just ONCE, look at myself in the mirror and not feel have to think what they're thinking while they look at me. just once i want to dance to my heart's content and not care that they don't think i'm not that fantabulous. just ONCE i want to say what i want to without everyone in my face telling me how incredibly pathetic and misinformed and pompous i am, because for once they will shut their mouths and they will look at me and they will think that for once i am actually right.

but that will, of course, never happen. i have stopped being angry about it; i guess some things just aren't meant to be. so now all i can do is keep smiling and keep laughing it off and try not to think about it too much, because obviously i can never do what i want. it will never be possible.

haha whatever, who cares. tomorrow morning i know i'm going to wake up and forget all about this anyway.

dreams talaga parang tubig, they take the form of their container, tapos you lose sight of them and they're not water anymore, water in a glass na sila, forever altered and changed

LABO

2005-08-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

it all falls down

i'm feeling sad again

as usual i don't know why and i don't know what to do about it

maybe i'm just tired

or maybe it's because

just because.

once again, a lack of reason or logic for everything.

maybe it's the third year blues

the third year sad syndrome

but everything feels so kulang

i feel so apart from everything and everyone

but then again, maybe it's my fault this is happening

once again, what's there to do?

things that are malabo are, well, malabo for a reason

or baka pagod lang talaga ako at masakit pa ang mga bones and body parts ko

pwede din, pwede din

isama narin natin ang mukha ko

galing ako sa dermatologist

pero nakakasabaw padin

because i don't understand

but i could possibly be confusing myself

and things are not really all that complicated

not a comforting thought, though

i do not feel any better.

"here's to you guys, my best friends, just wanna say i miss having you guys around"

i need a kodak moment

or a hallmark-card-worthy-day

something i can look back on when it all falls down.

jessica lamarca is one fantabulously lucky bitch

but i love her though

and this is so long and pathetic

not like anyone's gonna be reading this

bye-isms

2005-08-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

sabog nations

tired. very very tired. i had to run from cheerdance to alay sining then back to cheerdance then back to alay sining once again. ahh shit sabaw sabaw. alay sining is a total fucking waste of time, i swear. i spent my time doing some shit scene with jess when i should've been at cheerdance polishing my steps or something. IT IS A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT. the only good thing is that i'm with my barkada...at least we get to bond. tapos lazaro is such the number one bitch. arghh punyeta!

up side: janyn made me a prom dress. it is fantabuloso mucho beautiful. i love you janyn. >:D<>

i am not going to stress myself though. I AM GOING TO THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!! happy thoughts happy thoughts. maybe if i keep telling myself that it'll actually work.

hay buhay hay life hay school hay cheerdance hay pathetic situations hay false hopes.

i'm not that sad though...just stressed, but not sad.

maybe one day we'll be perfect for each other

maybe one day i'll stop typing irrelevant shit

maybe one day i'll be something to him

maybe i have to stop now because i am tired and i want to sleep but i still need to take a bath because i am definitely the most mabaho person in the world right now

he's still perfect no matter how screwed up and far away he is

...at least to me

2005-08-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

to the stars and back

read my past entries...life has changed, but not big time. things are still technically the same. everyone's still the same..we may have grown up or matured or cut our hair or got thin, but when it all falls down, nothing has changed. the love is still there. the friendships still stay. the laughter still rings in my ear hours after i see my friends. my mom is still, and always will be, my mom. my dad may be that way, but he's still my dad. pugsley still sleeps the same weird way he always has and still eats everything in sight. circumstances and situations have changed, but the people haven't. i may have grown up and changed my ways at some point, but the things i hold close to my heart remain the same. the people i value and love and need are still the same people i valued and needed and loved yesterday, or last summer, or last year. we may have new classmates, new friends, new bonding moments with other people, but that doesn't mean the past has to be forgotten...that doesn't mean i have to sacrifice time with my best friends and barkada. the fact that i've grown up doesn't mean i won't talk to my mommy every night before going to bed anymore. my heart doesn't have to change because life has.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH. janyn, marge, jess, viv, carla, grace, ic, mish, bibi, alex even if she's not always there (actually, now that i think about it, whenever she is we really do get to talk to her. she's a good friend.), gio, esca, chino, nico even if he's hardly ever around din (he's like alex, i guess...a good friend talaga. guess he's just always busy.), and even tinio, who we barely know and we aren't close to AT ALL, pero i think at some point we got used to having him around nadin eh. haha;) WHERE ELSE CAN YOU BE PANGIT AND WEIRD AND THEY'D STILL LOVE YOU ANYWAYS? SAN KA PA? *big hug*

maybe i'm just bored kaya i'm being "madrama." pero this is healthy drama naman eh. alam mo yun, the good kind. HAHA :))

why would you wanna go reach a star when you're fine right where you are? LABO. i think this could possibly be grammatically wrong oh my. HAHA labo nations please!

love life and it'll love you right back. sunshine is all we really need.

I go crazy when you're outside of my world.

2005-08-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

math is SABAW

sabaw nations mah niggahs! MAHNIGGAHS KAYO!! (joke of the week thankyouverymuch LAUGH NOW PLEASE!!) haha.

failing is not cool. failing was never cool. i am cool. therefore i must not fail. HAHA.

SABAW SABAW SABAW.

ARE ANGLES WITH ANGLE BISECTORS ADJACENT?

FOOOONYETA.

2005-08-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

counting down the days

i got bored last night and was tamad to study chinese, so i did a jessi and made myself a list of everything i'd ever want in a guy and it turned all weird and malabo..

Hold my hand
Feel something for me
Give me something to be angry about
Make me FEEL
Kiss my forehead
Love me even if it’s wrong to
Call me at 2am, but make sure you’re wasted and at a loss
Tell me I’m beautiful and for the first time make me believe it
Make me feel like I’m enough
Take that fall, just for me
Show me the stars while I lie beside you
Make me love my name just because of the way you say it
Be my strength, be my weakness too
Dance with me under the stars
Kiss me on the rainiest day of the year
Make me stutter
Give me my balance
Hug me from behind
Make my worst day beautiful with just a smile
Bring me back again
Tell me your secrets
Sing with me
Feed me my taho and dirty ice cream
Love my mommy, love my friends
Respect me
Be the laughter in my silence
Be you. That would be nothing less than perfect

Because to me you’re perfect.

haha sorry na, bored eh.

this boy could possibly be real, but then again, who knows? maybe he's not all that i think he is..

CHINESE SUCKS FUNYETAAAAAAA NIYA TALAGA. sabaw nations.

2005-08-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

bored people live on earth.

i'm bored. it's friday night and no one is online and there is nothing to do. chinese pt on monday but as usual i am going to slack off because this is, in fact, chinese we're talking about, and ever since when did i care about chinese? and it's not like i've been getting bad grades. my grades in chinese so far this quarter have been my bestest absoulute most matino in my buong high school life. hahaha;) my grades are scaring me yet not completely scaring me..actually it's chem lang talaga that's killing me. everything has been muchomucho fantabulous, honestly. MINUS 2 LANG AKO OVERALL IN MY QUIZZES AND LONG TEST IN AP!!! THAT IS SO FANTABULOSO AND FOR ONCE I AM DYING OF PROUDNESS! hahaha again;) and i'm minus 22 in math..i don't know for sure if that's good or bad. PUNYETA I'M MINUS 31.5 IN CHEM. what is THAT ABOUT? must uber make bawi in pt plus recitation plus lab. hahahaha again again;)

i guess you can tell i'm bored.

first friday mass awhile ago. i missed God. seriously.

i'm adapting everyone's habits. it's getting weird. so what am i now, the melting pot of habits? HAHAHHAHAHA BOBO NATIONS GAGO.

who i love right now: MACKY ESCALONA OMG OMG OMG if i had it my way he would totally be my first and last boyfriend. muchomucho love ;)

favorite expressions: bobo nations, sabog nations, kupal nations, labo nations, omg nations, drama nations and the ever wonderfulness DAMDAM NATIONS. hahaha it's getting traumatizing kasi i can't stop saying them.

i think i need to start focusing on other more important slash makes-more-sense things for me to stop doing pathetic yet entertaining shit. HAHA;)

i think i stopped being the uberdisturbed/drama kid kasi school is getting busy na..plus i think i've been having too much chocolate. but sugar is always good. I'M JUST SO TAMAD TO BE DRAMA NA, YOU KNOW?? it's so walang kwenta and kakasawa kakadepress takes up so much time = pathetic people with bad skin live on earth. oh my very bad very bad.

"when u feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place..."

DAMN RIGHT MAH NIGGAHS!

ocupy me with happy thoughts please. "don't ask God to make life easier, ask Him to make you a stronger person." nothing gets tru-er than that.

i am enjoying mucho my new class but i still miss grat terribly. but life has to move on, i guess. I CHANGED MY LIFE LONG..WHATEVER YOU CALL IT. BE HAPPY OR DIE TRYING. or something.

i'm still bored and very bothered about the fact that i've been losing weight and bones at my back have been appearing and they are now touchable. i was always thin but I WAS NEVER THE BONY TYPE. i'm do NOT want to lost weight.pero sabi nila baka i grew tall. SALVATION!! i love you, God. >:D<

it's funny how i forget..then i remember..then i realize that he's still the only one who can really make my day.

damn. once again, get him or get over him

p.s. i also think that i have not been uberstressed about certain life things lately because once again, school has been busy. GAGO! MAGANDA AT BENEFICIAL NA DISTRACTION;)

p.s.s. sorry this entry is pathetic and long and pathetic. byebye world! and fans.

2005-08-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

the drama ends here.

IT HAS TO STOP NAPAKAMADRAMA AT PATHETIC KO NA. the problem is that i overanalyze and stress myself in the process. and stress is when you wake up and realize you haven't even slept yet. no way pare. bad for skin bad for life. must be happy.

i just wanna smile you know? and i realize now that i can. jessi quote: "life is only hay life when you say it's hay life." true, true. i can actually smile if i want to. i can actually smile like i mean it if i want to.

i'm so much better than you guessed.

HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHS HAPPY THOUGHTS! he is my happy thought. :) ;) :) ;) :)

when will he realize that only he has the ability to make the worst day beautiful? maybe if i wish hard enough, he actually will. if i could do anything, it would be to kiss you in the middle of the street on the rainiest day of the year. ;) get him or get over him.

MUST SMILE STILL.

si God na ang bahala. i'm leaving my sorrows behind. HAHA ;)

*lollipop kids*

P.S. MY DADDY IS OKAY. therefore stress and worry is bawas. thank you lord! *big hug*

P.S.S. i miss you mish, wherever you may be now. i love you mucho! :*

2005-07-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

indifference

i've been so indifferent lately. as in total passive-ness. no reaction no feeling whatsoever. i absolutely do not know what's happening to me.

i'm losing people. i can feel it. but there's nothing i can do about it. if i can't feel anymore how am i supposed to know what to do?

ahh shit i'm starting to sound like those troubled disturbed teenagers. eh pucha ewan napakabullshit na kasi ng lahat eh. i keep trying to feel, i dunno, SOMETHING, but then there's nothing there, so then i end up irrtating people. my mind KNOWS what's going on. but i can't feel anything. at all. i don't wanna lose people but i just don't know how i'm gonna start feeling again.

maybe i have to lose everything and everyone for me to learn na talaga for me to start realizing the value of people. but the fact of the matter is that i do know how important they are. THEY ARE IMPORTANT. it's just that i can't seem to show people that i care. it's been so hard for me to express myself lately. i mean, yeah, i make drama, but then i'm never fully able to express my pain or my..i don't know. i really don't. sorry gasgas na but i really don't.

GODDAMMIT I NEED TO FIGURE MYSELF OUT. i'm so sick of laughing one minute and depressing myself the next. WHAT THE HECK ANO BA WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

nothing is okay. i am not okay. i need to fix myself. but i don't know how. i want to pray but i can't seem to. crying isn't even an option, no tears talaga eh. things would be so much better if i was actually feeling something. but i'm not feeling anything. absolutely nothing. i don't wanna be numb. i wanna feel. i don't wanna just be some random person passing by with nothing to give and nothing to say..i don't want moments and friendships to fade because i can never seem to find the right words to say.

but if i feel bad about the fact that i'm not feeling anything diba that means i'm actually feeling SOMETHING?

pucha nakakasawa na magdrama. wala na ba akong ibang mapaguusapan na hindi bullshit? gusto ko un masaya naman, ayoko na ng kalungkutan.

WTF?

i think it's because i changed. i mean, not changed like as in BIG TIME changed..i'm just not the same anymore. like i used to be more carefree..lately it's all been about getting things right. perfecting everything. being the best or being at least one of the best. being on top. but i'm so tired na..i'm so sick of telling myself to focus, focus, focus. i'm so pagod. but then something in my head always tells me that everything has to be perfect. this year has to be perfect. turn yourself into an overachiever perfectionist piece of shit or die trying. get it right or die. keep it together. don't show them you're falling apart. be the dream. be what it is you've been dreaming of. it's been all about that lately..grades, myself, grades, getting rid of the insecurities, grades, perfect scores, prefect dance steps, perfect skin, perfect hair..everything. i've been so selfish. but i think it's because i pushed myself too hard and now i can't go back. i'm not myself anymore, i can feel it na talaga eh. i want things to stay the same pero hindi na talaga kaya eh. i don't feel the same anymore. i think i lost myself and the things i held close to my heart amidst the pressure. the hard part is looking for it again.

janyn and marge: i'm sorry. I'M SO SORRY. i wish i knew, but i really don't. i love you guys so so much..you guys deserve someone so much better than me. i don't deserve you guys. serioso na to, you know what i mean. i love you both so so so so much.

wake me when it's over, i don't feel like crying tonight..

2005-07-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

screwed

turns out my dad really is sick. but they still absofuckinglutely refuse to give me the details. i don't know if there's something wrong with me. i think it's mostly because the whole situation hasn't completely registered yet. i don't feel worried..yet. i'm not crying..yet. oh god just please let him be okay.

life is too short to not seize the moment. unfortunately for me this does not apply. i just wanna KNOW how it feels. i just wanna know what it means to know you did it and have no regrets and and and i don't know. yeah, so they say he's pangit and dumb and weird and kupal, but he's enough for me. he's perfect.

everything's been shitty lately.

maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and i'll be okay. maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and i'll tell myself that i wanna do something and say something and i'm not gonna worry about what other people are gonna say and how they're gonna feel about it and i'm JUST GOING TO DO IT. and i'm not gonna give a shit what they think. and it's going to be about ME and not them.

i just wanna leave something for myself. "hindi nalang palagi oo lang ako sa lahat ng sabihin nila kahit masakit na."

note to heart: today i realized that i really like this boy and i'm not completely over the other one. prepare to shatter.

God, bahala Ka na. take all my pain away.

"drama queen"

you, you're the one. you who makes me rise when i fall

please pray for my daddy. thanks.

2005-07-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

waiting

it's been a long time!

still crappy but better. crappy better. hahaha whatever, i'm sooo sick of thinking about all this shit. i'm just stressing myself out. waste of time, i guess.

ANYWAYS. janyn's surprise at hod last friday: OMG i hope janyn loved it! we turned her into a princess, complete with the tiara and shoes and wand and cape and everything! tapos after that everyone had a flower and gave it to her with a message..me and marge plus janyn ended up super crying when it was our turn to talk to janyn na. i really miss my bestfriends. then we ate jollibee and totally just bonded! hahaha astig jamming ni janyn and gio! and we took fantabulous pictures on ic's phone! complete kami for the FIRST TIME!! ;) funny moments: BIBI AND BAY BIBI AND BAY BIBI AND BAY. hahahahaha :)) love you bibs! after that we just hungout (hangout?NO IDEA.) at the parking lot outside of hod and bonded..i love zel! she's ubercoolness and nice. :) tapos we rode with marge to my house and janyn tried to talk to my mom to let mo go the beach the following day..AND MY MOM ALLOWED ME!! so i uberquickly packed all my stuff then we went to janyn's and had a sleepover! HAHAHAHA CARLA AND THE 10000000 ALARM CLOCKS. =)) bonding with janyn, carla, ic and grace!

saturday: SUNKISSED. we woke up at like..6am? then got dressed and i was feeling pretty sabog kasi i'm always like that when i'm forced to do shit and i haven't had enough sleep yet..tapos we had to bring ic home pa kasi biglang she wasn't allowed to sama sa beach..sadsadsadsad. :( so after that we went na..i really love road trips. JANYN AND THE SARISARI STORE! hahaha! the trip was siguro mga two hours..i slept through half of it, i think..janyn was so in my face kasi eh! :)) tapos all my hot chocolate was all over me na KASI JANYN IS SUCH A GOOD FRIEND. HAHAHA im kidding. love you farter. :* when we go to batangas straight to the beach na talaga! UBERFUN! the beach was TOTALLY DESERTED. it was soo..peaceful and carefree and everything na. i loveeeed the uberstrong waves and the tapon to the shore moments. haha funny! and i collected stones for everyone! yayy! :) we took like 10000000000000 fantabulous pictures..my only problem now is getting janyn to send them to me. HAHA :) it was just major bonding..soaking up the sun and getting tans and laughing and making music videos and singing and dancing and everything..hayy sarap. sana next time we'll be complete na. ;p tapos we had this brilliant idea to go to eastwood right after we get back from batangas..so we leave the beach a little early..like mga 330pm. it was a good thing kasi super traffic in tagaytay! we got to manila like mga 6+pm na, tapos met up na with mish at eastwood. MISS YOU MICHELLE. gio came din after some time and we all just bonded and did nothing! hahaha we are now anti-mall people. i mean, hello? malls get so freaking boring..lalo na when walang nice movie tapos you're done eating na..hahaha.:P and i'm totally not into the whole barhopping party scene..i mean, we like it, pero we're not so pamatay into it. haha ;p so we all went home early..like mga 9 then i just went online and talked to everyone.

mish is leaving for china on the 28th. THAT REALLY SUCKS. i am not happy. i really wanna go to mish's house tomorrow pero feeling ko my mom won't let me kasi "may mga rallies" and other shit. wahh i miss mish. so much too much very much. :(

OMG jess ha. jess ha jess ha jess ha. daya mo daya mo daya mo. >:P

if you want me to, i'll be the one for you..

ohh the drama ohh the drama ohh the drama of life.

i am still tamad to edit. hahaha katamad eh.

I WANT HONORS. i don't know how i'm gonna get it. BUT I WANT IT.

Seize the day. Leave a mark. Anything is possible.

i don't exactly know what i'm waiting for..a chance, or a moment..or a sign.

i don't know.

2005-07-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

i still feel like crap

...when will i stop feeling like crap? I SWEAR, it's getting irritating na. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. goddammit i wanna feel better na. i'd rather be sick than feel like this. janyn palit tayo? KIDDING. love you bitch. :*

my insecurities are getting me nowhere. i know i'm not supposed to feel like this, but I JUST CAN'T FUCKING HELP IT. ARGHHH PUTANGINA NAKAKAINIS NA TALAGA EH. i just wanna be happy. lord, bakit ba hindi ako masaya? ano ba naging kasalanan ko sa mundo?

anyways, thanks jess janyn marge. love you guys.

there's so much..so much stuff i wanna do. so much stuff i wanna say. but doing them and saying them isn't gonna make me feel any better naman eh, so what's the point? and knowing me, i'd fail at whatever it is that i wanna do.

SORRY, ang loser ko talaga. alam ko naman eh. it's just that it's here lang that i can talk about it completely and type to my heart's content and not give a shit.

but i still give a shit.

if there's anyone out there who happens to know the secret to finding happiness, let me know. please. i desperately need the direction and the guidance.

my family is screwed, my dad might possibly be sick (even if he refuses to tell me, i know. DAD, i know.), i have a hell of A FUCKING lot of zits...i'm pangit in general, i can never have IT/him/whatever, and i just can't seem to let things GO.

WHY LORD? WHY?

i just want to feel the love. i just want to smile. i mean, i do..but it never feels real. the laughter's always temporary. the smiles never last that long. THANK GOD I HAVE AMAZING FANTABULOUS FRIENDS. they're my only happiness. honestly.

i'm not fishing here. i feel like crap talaga. EVERYTHING i know is shit.

sorry. life sucks, then you die..now that's the shit.

i need answers. please please please please please please please.

Dear God, please naman oh. i'm not asking for too much naman eh. just happiness, and for my dad to be okay, and for me to be okay with myself. i don't spend ANY time with my dad as it is na nga eh. if you take him from me pa, how will i ever know? how will i ever know what it feels like to build a relationship with my dad? how will i ever know what it feels like to go out into the world knowing i have my daddy right here?..and i just wanna feel better with myself. i jsut wanna be comfortable in my own skin. i'm sick of worrying and obsessing and analyzing, pero in the end naman i never feel any better. i just wanna feel good about myself para i can make something of myself and get into Ateneo and make my parents proud. is that too much to ask? please God...please. thanks. Amen.

i'm too tamad to edit and bold and underline and shit. bahala na.

2005-07-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

talk about twisted

....my second most recent entry was so happy, tapos my latest one's so full of bullshit naman. it's funny how my feelings change so quickly. it's funny how in the end the sadness always takes over.

actually it's not funny. at all.

2005-07-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

the feeling takes over

i'm feeling really insecure again. ~~wait, scratch that.~~ i'm always insecure. what will it take to make me feel good about myself? do i ask for too much? am i selfish? i try to be good. i give as much as i can. i try to do the right thing. but nothing's ever enough. i'm never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, nice enough. i'm never enough. i want to be happy. i really do. but something always has to go wrong, and most of the time it's my fault. and i always feel so down, and sometimes i don't even know why. i hate it when i feel like shit, which is all the time, which means i hate the way i feel all the time. WHAT MORE DOES THE WORLD WANT FROM ME? i just wanna be happy. i just wanna wake up with a smile on my face. i just wanna throw everything to the wind and let everything go. i just wanna feel light, and free. i don't wanna feel empty anymore. i don't wanna always have to ask, "why me? why does life have to suck so much?" WHY ME? WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO SUCK SO MUCH?

hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. what am i supposed to do with myself now?

and maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me..

GODAMMIT I WANT TO DIE.

2005-07-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

lose control

oh boy, the music makes me lose control..tama ba? grabe cheerdance was amazing! i love the dance, the people, the dance, the jokes, the atmosphere, the dance, everything.

OH MY GOD. GRABE!! ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. i wonder if it's still the same? whoah.

i found the ever after lyrics na! YAYYYY!!!! :)

undefined happiness. i'm getting all weird again. i'm such a rollercoaster. HAHA LABO.

funny moments of today:

*"love is like a postulate, it needs no definition."-Dyan Garcia [HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA] hirit si lea: "DEFINED NA KAYA ANG POSTULATE! it needs no proof, it needs no proof!"

*STAR STEP STAR STEP! rachelle: malupit na to ang yabang ng mukha mo! me: EH IT'S MY STAR STEP! [hahahahahahahaha again]

*denise and canine bonding: one-sided bonding

*kimcruz and me: punyeta! ayoko na magconnect ng dots!

*"shit, viv and sam, SOBRANG bagay kayo, gago!!"

*NOT THAT KINDA GIRL..star step part 2!

*"gago lea ang lupit ng JOGGING PANTS MO!!"

hahahahahahhaahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha so happy. :)

it is true. getting a lot of exercise releases endorphins. i get so happy when i'm dancing. i'm not even that great. i just love it so much. everything about it.

him too. hahaha sama ng mga ugali niyo! he's not that bad. :)

And as the sun would set

You would rise

Fall from the sky

Into Paradise..

-Hed Kandi [No Ordinary Morning]

2005-07-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

picking up the pieces

i am in better shape already. i was sick the whole entire freaking weekend, plus i was absent yesterday, so i missed the chem lq. nice one dyan! hayyyyyy.

i did pretty well in my ap lq, and my filipino lq, and my math lq din. happy happy. :) i really wanna get honors this quarter. dreaming eh noh.

bothered. babaw but bothered.

our country is soooo gulo! i hope they figure it out. i love the Philippines. i don't want it to fall apart. we're so much better than that.

But do you know that when you go I fall apart? not that you care. it's just that i do, but i guess that's for me to deal with and for you to not give a shit about. it's all one-sided anyways. it's my pain, my false hopes, my loss completely. here i am again.

everyone's sick..

i am never good enough. i will never be good enough. i will never win.

when i look on the bright side, it's ALWAYS in his direction. :) aww.

2005-07-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

brighter than sunshine

feelings definitely, definitely, definitely triggered. alex had to say it pa kasi eh. hayyy.

ohwell. i know this is mababaw and feeler, pero i like to think na at least, at some point, there was something there. nagkaroon ng pagkakataon. even if hindi natuloy, at least i can say na it wasn't just me who was feeling like this. kahit gaanong kababaw man, at least he felt something too..i know na that's matagal na, but still. there was something there.

i woke up and faced reality and listened to my feelings and suddenly you seemed so right. i know he's never gonna be there, and it's totally, completely impossible for anything to ever happen, but now at least i know. now it's for sure. who knows? maybe i'll get over it tomorrow, or maybe i won't, because for all i know i'm feeling like this for a reason. i'm feeling like this because something can happen. but i don't know. and i don't know if i ever will, but still. him eh. babaw or not, him eh.

filipino lq tomorrow. god, noli is so mahirap. i like the story, pero i'm really having trouble understanding the tagalog shit.

you do your thing, i'll do mine. you go your way, i'll go mine..

and if we do end up together, then that's just beautiful.

nothing is more beautiful than waking up in the morning with a smile on your face, and knowing exactly where you are going.

good morning. hello, sunshine. :)

2005-07-02T17:53:00.000-07:00

gio's birthday party

friday: school was boring as usual, pero shortened period kasi we had a mass before lunch. OMG i'm so proud of our science project! IT'S SO MAGANDA! ;)

after school: we were supposed to have a meeting for alay sining, pero ang labo labo ni bb. lazaro she disappeared. kakainis. we waited for so long pa. so we walked all the way to jessi's house tapos she got her stuff then we went to mine and i fixed my stuff and waited for janyn. so janyn finally came and made us sundo na. then we went to her house and we all took a bath tapos left na for the party. haha siksikan sa car! tapos finally we got there! haha at first we felt op (ahem, memories), pero after awhile it got superfun na! haha they all got sabog! haha kainggit nga eh, i really wanted to drink din pero i didn't make paalam in advance so my mom didn't allow me. i had, what, HALF A SHOT?? how LAME IS THAT?? haha! but it was really entertaining, watching everyone get sabog and weird. and gio's mom is ubercool, and so is billie and her friends din pala! haha best moments: janyn with chino (yikeedoodles!), gio on the floor and under the table, esca writing on the notebook, tinio all friendly, JESS AND TINIO BONDING (HAHAHAHA!), gio's ahem, krispy kreme..hahaha, gio and esca on the billiard table, the guys jumping in the pool, brando spears!, JANYN AND CHINO!, and JESS SABOG. omg, sobrang fun talaga! i really really love my friends. :) nice party gio! ;)

this morning: had to wake up early for cheerdance prac. woah. conditioning was tough. grabe i'm sobrang out of shape man. pero sarap ng feeling! i can feel my muscles..growing. labo haha! i like the dance! i really missed cheerdance.

back on track. sailing. :) if it's there, then it is. if it isn't, ohwell too bad.

my dream: to hear rocks at my window and see you standing there in the pouring rain..i like liking him. it's easier. :) less pain, less risk, less everything. but does it mean na it's mababaw, just because you're not hurting?

i love it when i can feel you smiling when you kiss me.

2005-06-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

knew it wasnt going to be easy.. I just didnt think it was going to be this hard.

still at square one. read mish's blog! it's so OMG. and so true.

when i hear his name, my head still turns, and my heart still breaks. i've been crying for the past three days. talk about ~~bullshit.~~ i don't even know why i'm crying. something really mababaw triggers me tapos i can't stop. at first i'm just crying/laughing, tapos biglang it's for real na. basta ~~punyeta~~ ayaw ko na. sorry guys if i piss you off and i'm so malabo sometimes, it's just that at this point i really dont know. i don't know what to think.

love this: "Its there, I know it is because when I look at you- I can feel it, I look at you and I'm home.. please, I dont want that to go away. I dont want to forget.."

it doesn't matter if i walk away or let it go. either way the memories and the regrets will stay.

if you aren’t willing to risk it all you don’t want it bad enough.

maybe i don't want it bad enough. or maybe i'm just scared.

it's gio's birthday party tomorrow! yay we're going! excitement. :)

if you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud, or else the moment just passes you by -my best friend's wedding

say it right away. you may never get the chance to, ever again. :(

2005-06-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

underneath the waves

belated HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY GIO! tc always. :)

this is so weird. we have absolutely no homework. you know that they say about third year and it being all bullshit? so far it isn't pa. and that's so weird talaga, kasi they told us dait it was gonna be hard from day one palang.

we had club day yesterday, major fun! i think this is gonna be a progressive school year for me, club wise. (the heck??haha) i agree with janyn. this year i actually like my club, and i feel like for once i'm gonna be doing something i really wanna do. go alay sining! plus i'm with my whole barkada minus ic and mish, so i'm happy nadin! :)

i just read janyn's blog, and OMG, she is so freaking right. we do need to grow up. everyone's so mature and..old already, and we're still such kids. grabe. but i don't wanna force myself to be someone i'm not. i was never the mature, prim and proper type, or the calm and collected kind. i'm just me. all weird and ot and moody and hardly ever normal. but i do like myself, seriously. wehhh feele ko. haha. it's just that i'm happy the way i am. i'll grow up when the time really comes.

si God na ang bahala sakin. He has the answers to absolutely everything. He'll take care of me.

im still sad, and no matter what i say to other people, i know deep inside i still want him back anyways.

whatever.

i can feel you, underneath the waves..

Sometimes what you're searching for is right where you left it.-Sweet Home Alabama

2005-06-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

natapos na ang lahat, nandito pa rin ako

happy day yesterday. :) we were able to push through with gio's surprise minus the kidnap! it was all so malabo actually, kasi the night before lang biglang everyone was bawal, so dapat hindi na tuloy, but then the next morning janyn calls me up at 7am to tell me it's tuloy, so i get up and take a bath only to find out mish is gonna pick us up at 11am pa. the heck? so anyways we picked up janyn, marge and carla at janyn's house then we went to gio's na. when we got there he was awake na pero buti nalang he was playing guitar! gio's mom is so pretty, gio what happened to you? haha kidding! so we waited for esca to come pa tapos kahit wala pa si chino we pushed through na with the surprise. haha grabe, malupit talaga yun face ni gio when he saw us in his boxers and t-shirt! hahahaha major funny man! hope you liked our surprise gio. :) we all love you! (ewww haha)

went to gale after and nagdreamscape kami! hahaha after that we ate at wham, haha janyn's weird eating habits! plus chino's deadma sobrang weirded out face, tapos esca's paa hirits! haha labo. is it just me or wala talaga difference ang sprite ice sa totoong sprite??

i love my friends talaga. :) i love saturdays.

nariyan ka pa ba? hindi na kita matanaw..

i just realized that at this point there is absolutely nothing i can do about it anymore. i just have to let it be. if it's there, it's there. if it isn't, then i guess it just wasn't meant to be. at some point i'm going to have to wake up and let reality sink in.

i can't look at your back any longer. i guess it's time for me to walk away too.

2005-06-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

if i just breathe

something is very wrong. ~~bullshiiiietttttt gago.~~ patay tayo.

pero on a lighter note..i'm so happy i got to bond with carla, bibi, jess, marge, and grace today. mwah mwah bitches :*

OMG he isn't kidding. ~~shit shit shit!!~~ GAGO PATAY TALAGA TAYO!!!

i have one zit on my forehead and one on my chin. FUCKING BULLSHIT????

i'm better now. i mean, i'm not in great shape, but i'm better. i'm getting there.

but i still want him back.

ahhhhhh ~~shit grabe shit grabe gago shit talaga.~~

this is not good. so not good.

kulang na kulang ba

hindi pa ba sapat

inubos kong lahat

panahon ko sayo

sadness comes when you least expect it. labo.

2005-06-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

tell me where it hurts

back from the dermatologist. ouch again. ohhhhhweeelllllll.

this is absolutely beautiful: find a guy who'll lie down beside you and just talk..nothing more.someone who you can talk to without having to make sure you sound smarta guy who'll respect you and what you do.someone who has his priorities set straightbut makes sure youre not neglected.find a guy who'll be there as a friend.someone you can call on, no matter what.find someone who'll make sure that you feel like youre enough.

AHHHHHHH. shit marge, when we gonna find that guy?? :P

seems just like yesterday

you were a part of me

i used to stand so tall
i used to be so strong
~~your arms around me tight~~

everything, it felt so right
unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

now i can't breathe

no i can't sleep
i'm barely hanging on

i give up. it's not going anywhere. it's gonna be a hell of a lot tears, probably, but i've got nowhere else to go. so this is what pain feels like..i feel like i'm literally falling apart, and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. i was never good at keeping it together, but now i just have to keep my chin up and smile. and pray. only God's got the answers. and him, i guess. he's the only one who knows if there's still something there. but i guess there's nothing left. just my heart all heavy, and me at a loss.

sorry i'm so madrama. but this is the only place where i can completely talk about it.

i have to let go. i have to stop holding on. i have to walk away.

2005-06-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

ouch. that hurts.

cheerdance auditions today. 1 word: ~~bullshit.~~

they gave us hell. dammit. well, not really. actually the dance wasn't that bad, it was the warmup that was killing me. hello, this is not a dt audition?? THIS IS A CHEERDANCE AUDITION?? i've been doing this for two years! and it's not supposed to be this way. cheerdance is fun. happy. not like this. i love cheerdance. i don't wanna lose my enthusiasm because they're forcing us to do things we're not supposed to be doing.

i want to kill some people. arghhhhh arghhh arghh.

im so tired. of everything. of the pressure from school and my parents, of being sad, of waking up every morning knowing he's not there. im so tired.

you make me feel like i, i am closer to the sky.. -the newest closeup ad

i'm still at a a complete and utter loss. i don't wanna feel anything anymore.

DENISE. no no no no no. let him go, he's not worth it. you deserve so much better.

2005-06-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

one of these days

maybe i missed my chance, and chances are it won't be coming back to me.

bonded with mish at her house yesterday! i missed my bitches talaga. pero sayang, incomplete kami kasi si jessi ANG LABO LABO tapos si carla nagdisappear, tapos si bibi bawal ata tapos i dunno what happened to the others. we played LIFE! ang cool nun game! and basta, it was so saya, we just ate and talked and played dress-up..i love my friends superduper. with them everything's so real.

NEW FAVORITE SONG: TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART. get ready for our performance!

jess, i'm sorry if i bother you all the time with my issues. i know i bore you to death na, and i'm sorry. love kita talaga. thanks so much for everything.

margaret, we're not gonna drift apart. EVER. nothing's gonna change between us. i'll die first.

~~i'm feeling sorry for myself. again.~~

we have quizzes in chinese and english tomorrow. ~~i'm tamad.~~

happy father's day daddy! i love you. :X

2005-06-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

at a loss.

i wanna watch batman begins! tomorrow we're going to mish's house to bond ;)

i uber duper super miss my friends. haha kulit ko with this, it's just that i super miss them na talaga. pero it's all so malabo kasi i have derma in the morning pa..and there's all this arte about washing your face 2hours after pa, tapos maliligo pako, etcetc..ohwell. no pain, no gain.

so what exactly am i supposed to do with myself? there's nothing left. seriously. but it's all my fault talaga eh. i have no one else to blame.

all he has to do is say it. i don't even wanna leave anything for myself anymore. i know this is bad an everything, but at this point i'll do anything. absolutely anything.

i want him back. but i can't.

bonded with janyn kanina. it's funny how we both feel the EXACT SAME WAY. and it's funny how we had to realize how much we needed them at the exact same moment they realized they didn't need us anymore. labo nun ah.

God has a funny way of teaching us how to love.

maybe my weakness is that i care too much..but how can i not? at this point, he's the only thing that matters.

janyn told me this kanina: "take my hand, we're gonna make it, i swear." or something like that..basta shit wahh painful talaga.

ANG DRAMA KO!!! but i just have to talk it out till it gets to the point that i don't wanna talk about it anymore. labo again, pero basta, i just want the pain to go. i don't wanna feel heavy anymore. i want a last call of the day. i wanna wake up knowing he's there. just there.

anything. ~~just take the pain away.~~ please.

2005-06-16T21:54:00.000-07:00

no homework for today, yay! :)

i swear, i want my mom to complain na sa school, its pamatay PAMATAY hot in class na, grabe. ~~bullshit~~ sobra.

tomorrow im gonna bond with gratitude for abbey's despedida/mass thing. actually i dont understand nga the whole mass thing eh, pero cool nadin kasi i get to be with grat. i really REALLY really miss them na. i miss the long happy birthdays and the uncontrollable laughter, and the ever-responsible, ever-reliable officers, and even the cocc's. but i miss my barkada the most. i miss our everyday bondings and inside jokes, and soiree plans, and chismis and scandals and eating sessions in akam's class. hayy..

were also gonna bond with mish on saturday. I CANNOT WAIT! i love my friends so much. and im scared of losing them, now pa, that i need them the most, with school and all the pressure and some..stuff. were gonna PIGOUT AND MAKE UBER LAMON and wallow. i really really miss them na.

and so it seems that i had to lose you just when i realized that i need you, and i had to look back at the exact same moment you walked away.

get well soon, esca! tc :)

noone's online na. that's weird.

I CHANGED MY LAYOUT!! is it ugly ba?

I looked away

Then I look back at you

~~You try to say~~

~~The things that you can't undo~~

If I had my way

I'd never get over you

Today's the day

I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall

Make it through it all

2005-06-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

still heartbroken

gio: why?? u dont read in the banyO?? hahah

dyan: no dude

dyan: what you dont know is i have the ABSOLUTE FASTEST TAE MOMENTS

dyan: mahaba na un tumae 4 one minute sakin eh

dyan: HAHA im so proud tlga

gio: gio: ok thts a very good example of oversharing

gio: hahahahahah

dyan: no gago serioso!! 30secs MAX nako tumae

gio: as in pagupo mo PLUCK, ganun na agad hahah

dyan: oo

dyan: tapos gets kahit madmi

dyan: same amount of time padin

dyan: its just all so FAST

gio: dont u lyk take time to marvel at the feeling???

gio: HAHAHAHAHAH

gio: shit tht was wirdo

gio: hahahhahahah

dyan: well that comes after eh

gio: prng PLUCK, tapos hahahaha

gio: pano kung lbm ka?

dyan: after kasi masarap un feeling

dyan: well dun lang ako tumatagal, at the most 5mins

gio: hahahahha u hav very special shitting habits haha

dyan: i KNOW

gio: do u get to shit in the mornig??

dyan: im so PROUDTLGA, HONESTLY

gio: i wud luv to do that hahah

dyan: yeah pero most of the time sa school na!

dyan: pag umaabot lang

gio: hahahaahahahahh

gio: pucha parang kang esca lately

dyan: kasi nagbrebreakfast pako eh so minsan no more time

dyan: WHAT?

gio: tae ng tae sa school hahaha

gio: hahahahha shet, ganun ako dati

dyan: haha do you do it in the morning?

dyan: as in mga first second period palangdyan: those are the best times eh

dyan: kasi wla tao with you

dyan: ska kupal mga ibang batchmates ko eh, pag mabaho iinatayin ka tlga nila lumabas to mock you HAHAHAH

gio: i used to!!! but ive masterd the technique to counter it!

gio: sbrng hassle kc tumae sa school eh!!!

dyan: wwhat? whats the technique? ANG LOSER MO U PIGIL YOUR SHIT TIL DISMISSAL?? THE HELL??? how do you do that?????

gio: kasi sobNG LAYO ng magandang banyo

gio: hnd ko pinipigL!!!! kung pinigl mo baka ma shit ka sa pants eh!!d

yan: DUH EDI MAGLAKAD KA STUPID TSS..

dyan: onga

dyan: ang shitty kaya nun feeling when youre trying to stop it and its THERE

gio: prng ill have fruit shakes instead of iced tea, tas WALA NA"

dyan: THE HELL TLGA??

dyan: iced tea maiihi ka sbra eh

gio: hahahhaha yeahhh, tas skirt pa kyo, so sbrng laftrp yun kpg tumae kyo sa pants hahahaahah

dyan: LABO??

dyan: pero i can never dothat

dyan: when its there it so there tlga eh

dyan: i haveto let it ou

dyan: t

dyan: OKAY THIS CONVERSATION IS WEIRD

dyan: loser mo kasi eh gio: onga, ive also learned to accept the fact na najejebs ako

gio: hahaha so i just do it!

dyan: diba, its all just about acceptance

gio: kc i like doing it in between subjects para may exucuse rn ako to skip class eh

dyan: MATAGAL KA BA?

dyan: how long ba average time mo??

gio: but i ALWAYS have softee tissuE!

gio: mga 10mins?gio: ata hahaha

gio: yung pocket tissues!

dyan: arte mo kahit anong tissue PDE NA!

dyan: 10mins? hmm..labor pa lang un? not including the actual release?

dyan: (OMGWHAT THE HELL ARE WE TALKING ABOUT) but please answer the question gio: gago ayko kya yung joy tissue, ANG TIGAS! prng sandpaper sa ass mo

gio:

gio: um, no dy, its the whole process itslef

dyan: ive never tried eh

dyan: ako un nasa vending machine lang eh okay nako dun

dyan: sorry ah hnd kasi sensitive un skin sa ass ko eh

dyan: HAHAHA

dyan: hmm 10mins isnt that bad

dyan: pero parang matagal nga

dyan: cgro malalki un tae mo

gio: hahahhaha yes i happen to hav very senstive ass skin

dyan: ANG WEIRD NG CONVERSATION NA TO

gio: hahha onga eh hahahahadyan: i think i wanna post this in my blog

dyan: IM GONNA POST THIS OMG BRILLIANT IDEA!

gio: ahhaah cge! laf3p ahahahah

gio: hnd malaki poop ko, depends nmn on wht i eat eh

gio: gago dba lacotse ako??? once uminom ako ng nesvita milk tas GREEN yun crap ko for the whole day! ahahahah

gio: wirdO!!!!!!!

dyan: sakin always ONE BIG SHIT TAPOS MATIGAS, tapos thats all that there is.

dyan: ahh shit nga noh lactose ka pala!!

dyan: pero usually its brown?

dyan: sakin sometimes tinge of green din e

gio: gago i love that kind of shit!!!!!! i wish ganun ako plgi!!! sbrng SARAP! hahahah SATISFACTIONd

yan: the matigas kind?? ITS SO MASAKIT KAYA LOSER!!!

gio: hahaha akin always brown eh, may cracks pang knti

gio: gago SATISFYING KYA

dyan: yeah mine too! but mines gets, BIG AND HARD bsta major pathetic siya dude

dyan: SBRANG HINDI!! gsto ko un melted tapos madmai THATS SO MUCH MORE SATISFYING

gio: hahahah gago gtta go, nice shit talk, i will observe my shit tmrw morning and descrbe it to u

gio: GAGO MELTED IS KADIRE

gio: leaves a bad taste in ur mouth.. well not really mouth

gio: hahaha

dyan: YAY okay dont forget ah! il observe mine too!

THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY. thanks gio, i feel better talaga. dont forget to tell mish! :)

thanks din to jess, and janyn,and margaret, carla, and marlo for everything. thanks you guys. i just need to stop making drama and stop worrying! :((

but im still sad. hay.

itsoveritsoveritsover. i just have to get that into my shitty head.

2005-06-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

OHMAHGAWD.

Summer: What do you want from me, Cohen?

Seth: I just want you.

Summer: No you don't. You had me. ~~You had me at Chrismukkah in a freakin' Wonderwoman costume and you chose Anna. You had me three months ago and you left.~~

Seth: I want to make that up to you.

Summer: It has nothing to do with me. It's about you. And it is always about you: what you need and what you want. You know, it seems you only want me when you can't have me. You like the chase, and that's all. And you know what? You can have it.

omg. i guess for some people it's all about the chase, and at some point i was like that too. but im not like that anymore. i want him now. now. now that i cant have him. i cant ever have him again.

its over.

i guess asking for a second chance isnt an option anymore.

there's nothing left for me to do except to cry.

Sometimes we get second chances

And sometimes we never make it past the first

It really makes you wonder why somethings happen when they do

~~It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you~~

And when you say

It doesn't matter well it does

And all it takes

Is a mistake to eat your words

Just one more time I think I'll drive on home tonight

Sometimes we never see the warning

And the voice in your head tells you not to go

It really makes me wonder why somethings happen when they do

~~It really makes me wonder why it wasn't me instead of you~~

And when you say It doesn't matter well it does

And all it takes Is a mistake to eat your words

Just one more time I think I'll drive on home tonight

And when you look its gone its too late to turn around

And it's another day facing yourself and the things that you've done

And when you say It doesn't matter well it does

And all it takes Is a mistake to eat your words

Just one more time I think I'll drive on home tonight

2005-06-13T14:20:00.000-07:00

the aftermath

im supposed to be in janyn's house right now, but my mom didn't let me kasi daw baka magkagulo and i've been going out too much na. ohwell..i just really wanted to go kasi i really miss talking to jess and janyn na, and there's so much stuff in my head i need to talk about. ohwell.

ic and me and i dunno who else are gonna join this contest in meg! win ek certificates if you write this letter making kwento about your best ek moments. haha we can TASTE THE BIKTORY JUST LIKE THE BEEF STEAK! hehehe labo. ;p i love ic.

gio uploaded the ek pics na! visit pangits.multiply.com ;) so wait, inaamin na ni gio na pangit siya kasi kasama siya dun? hahaha labo!

BATI NA SI GIO AND MISH!! yikeedoodles! :x

michelle, goodluck on your exams. i love you so so much and miss you even more. hehe labo. can't wait to see you! (shit this all sounds so lesbian)

im so bored. im tamad to study for my chinese and math quizzes tomorrow..shit i must MUST MUST study.

watched mr and mrs smith last night! it wasnt that great, ayos lang. pero cute si angelina and brad together! they're so HOT. ;) haha

i'm reading wuthering heights right now for our english book report (naks, asenso, nagbabasa na agad!), and it's actually kind of nice. patty said na it's hard to understand daw, pero SOBRANG hindi! i just started pero it seems interesting and kinda violent..ata.

i still can't believe school na. i miss summer. :(

and im going back na naman. AGAIN. once again i am going back. labo. pero nakakashit na, ayoko na. it's too late..there's nothing left to return to anymore.

pero it was my fault. it was ALL my fault naman talaga eh. so i deserve this. i was kupal so now life is kupal to me. he deserves better..so much better. dammit.

i open up my heart just to feel..come back. i need you pala.

2005-06-12T13:10:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to me :)

happy sweet sixteen to me..I JUST HAD THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE yesterday.

cheerdance auditions in the morning: the dance was hard! jazz kasi eh, and OBVIOUSLY im not good at that. pero it was fun fun fun! sana talaga pumasa ako :)

went to viv's house after..she was acting all weird, tapos dapat we were gonna hang at janyn's house before going to eastood for my libre..tapos bigla they said my house nalang, eh kala ko bawal house ko, si ashcreek nalang..then when we got there wala pa sila! so i was kinda in kupal mode na kasi i havent had anything to eat yet and cheerdance was really tiring and i was feeling dehydrated na, tapos they came and they blindfolded me and took me to the car. tapos they took me home..and when i got there and they took of my blindfold MY WHOLE BARKADA WAS THERE! and even sila gio, chino, and esca! and then there was this powerpoint na marge did na SOBRANG TOUCHING, tapos may cake pa, tapos bigla at the end of it they surprised me and told me they were taking me to EK!! OMG TALAGA!! tapos i got dressed super bilis and then we left na. THE ROAD TRIP WAS FUN! we got to ek mga 4 na kasi we picked up nico pa at alabang (LOVE YOU NICO :*), pero ayos lang! then tinio came na, tapos we rode the anchor's away..shit that ride really sucks. ang crappy nun feeling sobra!! haha..tapos after that..um i cant remember na eh, basta we rode all the cool rides and sobrang major bonding and saya talaga! GRABE SINASAPAK NA KAMI NI GIO!!! and si chino kinukupal na kami EVEN ESCA!! tapos si nico was his usual adorable self, tapos si tinio hindi padin nagsasalita hahaha..SOBRANG major bonding talaga, lalo na with the girls. i really, REALLY, really, really love my friends. i feel so loved talaga. im so happy. :) sana we stay like this forever..as in all of us, even the pangit guys. hehe ;p

actually im really happy na were all becoming close na with sila gio, etc. i really really love them. hahaha

pero pinakalove ko talaga si janyn and marge. omg noones ever gonna replace the two of you. youre gonna be my bestfriends forever. :) mwah :*

anwyays, we left ek mga 8+, tapos shit major guilttrip kasi katabi ko si tinio sa car tapos super sikip na and i fell asleep so i hogged all the space, tapos yun pala he was sabog na tapos nasusuka pa tapos sinisikip ko pa. shit sorry tinio! he had to throw up at my house pa, sorry talaga. anyways we all had dinner pa, tapos corny ng mom ko may pabitin pa HAHAHA! i love my mommy :) tapos we just bonded and stuff, and most of us, lalo na the guys were tired na..tapos at around 11 they left na, tapos pinakahuli umalis sila ic jess bibi and grace. bonding guys! shiiet shiiet shieet. haha you know what i mean. ;p

om just so so so so so happy. :) im so lucky. im so so so lucky.

pero as usual im feeling lost. actually lahat naman ata kami eh, at some point. this is pathetic. i dont wanna like him. i think he hates me nga eh. shit talaga.

what is happening with mish and gio? why are they not talking?? btw, mish hope you love your new house. i miss you like hell. :)

were going to janyns house tomorrow to bond. yayy no school. hahaha..i really need to clear my head..

were watching mr and mrs smith later! excited.

happy independence day to the Philippines and to all the Filipinos. :)

bakit ba kailagan

bakit nararamdaman

bakit tinatamaan

at bakit nasasaktan.

bakit pa? bakit ba? ayoko na..

2005-06-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to me :P

tomorrow..or in a few hours..i dunno. hehe

mish and bibi arent sure if they can go tomorrow! its mish's moving day tomorrow (congrats on your new house mish!..nyeh parang just got married hehe labo), tapos si bibi daw hindi pinayagan. AND OMG SI JESS DIN PALA NOT SURE. i must die. wahhh wahhh wahhh this fucking fucking fucking sucks. tapos i havent confirmed pa with sila gio if theyre going. talk about sabog. haha actually its not that sabog, but still. hindi ko nga alam who's going talaga for sure eh. but i want everyone to be there. i want my barkada to be complete. i really really really miss them na. :(( shit life sucks talaga sometimes.

cheerdance auditions tomorrow morning. on my birthday. i HAVE HAVE HAVE to have luck on my side. i will just seriously die if i dont make it this year. wahhh i dunno why but i feel sad.

happy birthday to mah stalker fan denise! ;p hehe labo. im really starting to like my class na, theyre so kulit and fun and..kulit. hehe. ;p

i still dunno why, but i feel sad. feel better feel better. i guess im just missing people.

one good thing: no classes on monday! yipeedoodles :) hahaha love that word. yipeedoodles. woohooodoodles. doodles doodles doooodles.

how you gonna get to heaven if youre scared of getting high-redbloodedwoman, kylie minogue. its stuck in my head.

im okay. im fine. im REALLY okay.

okay, im not okay.

you had to happen. you just HAD to happen.

once again: life sucks, then you die

2005-06-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

bitches are forever :)

it was my daddy's birthday yesterday! yipeedoodles happy birthday daddy! :) even if we are, in general, kind of distant..i do love my dad.

which is why i cant go tomorrow with carla and sila jules to hangout because were gonna celebrate his birthday and mine! which is on saturday..and im super happy about that kasi our barkada MIGHT be complete! i still need to harrass ic pero im uberhappy about the fact that bibi is going! i super miss her na..im really glad nga we got to bond today eh! miss you bibipangs ;p and all the ahs guys are going daw yay :)

i am starting to feel the pressure na. the homework is starting to pile up, and most of the lesson proper shit started na. and im really, really, really trying to be responsible and disciplined na. im doing all my portfolios and projects and papers the day i get the homework, even if it's due like, next week. i gotta start early.

janyn selosa selosa selosa selosa behh ;p go chino yourself! HAHA

mish disappeared kanina. we were supposed to meet up with her after school to bond BECAUSE WE SO DESPERATELY NEED THAT, tapos she didnt come. :(( wahhh i miss you so much babe.

bitches are forever margaret and janyn, viv and mish and jess and carla and grace and alex.i 1000000% love you guys more super and we are so gonna be okay. were gonna stay bitches forever.

sorry, i just needed to comfort myself. im scared eh. i dont wanna lose them.

i bruise easily

so be gentle

when you handle me.

2005-06-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

wooord up mah niggas!

thanks to mah bitch mish (who i love very much, just so GIO knows para he can be jealous and all..labo), i am now a NIGGA. damn right homies im from the mean streets of the ghetto! woord. you da shiznit, bitch! fo' show!

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. she's mah bitch, noone else can have her. hahaha labo. ;p

grabe, im starting to feel the pressure na talaga with school and everything. pero i dont wanna think about it nalang, and i just REALLY REALLY hope na i can take it. no. i can. we all can.

marlo's so ANNOYING. annoying sucker. hahaha labo. he still sucks and smallville sucks. hahaha loser ;p kidding mah niggas!

pigout and bonding with mah bitches janyn and viv kanina at jollibee. CHICKENJOY MAKES ME SO HAPPY!! :)) hahahaha! i miss mah bitches na talaga..marge just HAD to taksil us (kidding bitch), while i can truly feel jess fading away. we love you jess. all for you. naks.

MICHELLE we do truly love and miss you and miss your presence everyday at gate5 :)

from now on CALL CARLA JUBAO. she will not be known as carla but as JUBAO.

woooord up! fo' show! yeah.

im supposed to do this thing for cle class (btw, our cle teacher is SO FREAKING COOL. AS IN FUCKING FUCKING COOL TALAGA!! shes a 22yearold fresh grad from Ateneo and SHE, mah niggas, is what i call MAH HOMIE. she's so cool gago. astig talaga, CLE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!)..oops, i kinda got lost there. anyways she asked us to make this soap opera title for the soap operas that we call our lives..margaret says: mildred bogobo:kamandag ng taksil. i say:lost in translation or something equally deep. LIFE OR SOMETHING LIKE IT! :) hmm. i like i like!

GIO AND THE NIGGAS (i have a new theory: if we the bitches, they the niggas!) MUST MUST MUST AND MUST go. if they dont i will be deeply saddened. wahhhh :(( i want us to bond for mah birthday!

marge says im NIGGAFIED. damn right i am homies. say what, say what??

its these small, everyday kulit moments i live for. i just love them. makes me feel so damn good on the inside. :) i love my friends. :)

in my head theres only you now..im getting there. im getting there.

2005-06-06T18:44:00.000-07:00

lets do the funk, lets do the first day funk!

hahahahaha. lame ko.

my first day with my new class is not so bad. :) hehe..theyre all pretty friendly, and i guess were kinda quiet pa kasi we dont know each other all that well naman, but i guess we'll be all maingay and shit once we all warm up to each other! pero grabe, i kinda feel the pressure of thir year na. omg research seems really hard. so does chem. ACK i must not lose track of my goals. NAKS hahahha! ;p

I MISS MY BARKADA! labo. i know were still gonna be together, PERO STILL.

i had POTATOES. uh-oh. not good. so not good.

and miss militante is sooo funny. INSPIRING viv and janyn! were DEFINITELY, definitely joining afc na! hahahaha..

bonded with jess and janyn and viv at ash. guys, please dont taksil me. i love you eh. AWWW.

2005-06-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

i wanna go back

im not ready yet. im not ready for school, or for summer to end. even if it already has, in a way. i really, really, really, really dont wanna go to school yet. i dont wanna wake up early and sleep early and stress myself out with all the schoolwork. i dont wanna deal with the pressure yet.

but im excited, i guess. i kinda miss eating lunch at gate5 and walking to jollibee and chicha and who-knows-where after school. im really excited for cheerleading. its one of the really few things in life i really find fulfilling. i love representing my batch. :) and besides, its easier to find people during the school year, yun iba ang hirap hagilapin sa summer. (naks, hagilapin!)

"if youre not willing to sound stupid, you dont deserve to be inlove."-amanda peet, a lot like love

AWWWW. but i AM willing to sound stupid. I AM I AM I AM. haha i need to shutup and stop making drama.

goals for the school year: (laugh in my face right now if you want, but im telling you, im definitely getting the last laugh. labo haha)

*do all my homework on time

*balance my gimmicks and school (i dont mean balance as in im only passing, i wanna get GOOD grades)

*not get distracted by my beloved ym and the everpresent ym conferences

*finish all my book reports, essays, papers, and whatsoever atleast 3 days before submission

*pack all my school things the night before

*as much as possible fail ONLY one quiz per quarter (fine, 2 for math haha)

*only use the internet AFTER i've done all my homework (goodbye ym, ill love you forever)

*finish all my homework for monday friday night so i can go out on saturday, haha

*go home early from school if i have a lot of homework

i have to get UBERUBER good grades this year. if i dont get into ateneo i might as well kill myself. suicide is the best option actually, if you have my dad for a dad. hahaha

my lolo's only living sibling (my grandaunt, i think) is in the hospital. i think she's dying na. please pray for her. long live the reyes family! haha labo

im about to give you away for someone else to take

im having issues with you again. im not even supposed to like you anymore. its over. ITS OVER, dammit. its over its over its over. i just have to keep telling myself this until i FULLY realize it. i never seem to completely grasp this fact because i keep coming back, which is just about the stupidest thing anyone can do. wanting to go back and realizing that theres nothing left to return to is the most painful thing that could happen to a person. which i why i have to stop looking over my shoulder, because its not just stupid, its painful. its giving me a crick in the neck.

pugsley is in not-so-good shape. were bringing him to the vet later. if something happens to him i dunno whats gonna happen to me. i have serious attachments with this dog. hes like the sibling i never had. and besides, i have weirdo tendencies of getting super attached to people (or in this case, pets) and then dying on the inside once they leave. its really unhealthy. but how do you stop yourself from loving people?? its just not possible. it just cant be done. loving is the only thing that keeps you alive. seriously.

*i wish i could save all the tears you made me cry so i could fucking drown you in them.

2005-06-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

saturdays are weird ;p

First, name 20 people you know.

1. janyn

2. margaret

3. jess

4. mish

5. viv

6. ic

7. carla

8. grace

9. bibien

10. alex

11. nico

12. gio

13. esca

14. chino

15. tinio

16. ian

17. andre

18. vincent

19. arnold

20. nel

Then, fill this out according to the people you chose!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Who is 8 going out with?:+ i dunno

Is 9 a boy or a girl?:+ bibien is a lesbian.

Would 11 and 2 make a cute couple?+ yeah they would!

How about 18 and 4?:+ i dont think so hehe

What grade is 17 in?:+ high school senior, nando's old!

When was the last time you talked to 12?:+ the other day

What is 6's favorite band?:+ i dunno, i think ic likes emo?

Does 1 have any siblings?:+ jamie and jeff

Would you ever date 3?:+ we already are! shes my lesbian lover ;p

Would you ever date 7?:+ nope, shes taken! hehe labo

Is 16 single?:+ nope, he's taken ;p

What's 15's last name?:+ tinio hehe

What's 5's middle name?:+ eleazar!

What's 10's fantasy?:+ to be best friends with zia forever?? hahaha no idea

Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?:+ nope, may magagalit haha!

What school does 20 go to?:+ ica!

Tell me a random fact about 11:+ one of the nicest guys i know :)

And 1: + she's a lesbian just like me haha ;p

Have you ever had a crush on 16?:+ no, ewww haha but i really love ian :)

Where does 9 live?:+ midland! hangout house hahaha

What's 4's favorite color?:+ something bright, im not sure eh

Would you makeout with 14?:+ NO janyn would kill me hahaha kidding! ;p

Are 5 & 1 best friends?:+ no, #1's MY best friend! haha possessive loser. but theyre lean back buddies ;p

Do you like 20?:+ i dont like nel, i LOVE nel. :)

Does 8 like 19?:+ hahaha used to..hehhe ;p

How did you meet 15?:+ soiree and through sila gio!

Does 10 have any pets?:+ i dunno

Is 12 older than you?:+ nope, im older by 2weeks ata eh hehe ;p

Is 1 the sexiest person+ yeah, she's goddamnhot. shes mah bitch!

Have you ever given 13 a hug?+ umm, i think so? haha no ata eh hehe ;p

i stole this from vincent! aliw gago haha ;p

its raining, its saturday night and im at home (for the record, this is practically my last night of freedom because school starts on monday), and i dont wann go to school. arghhh tamad.

talking to jess and janyn. theyre weird.

ahem. life sucks, then you die

2005-06-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

when i come undone, you put back all the pieces

im back! i had the best time last night..

slept over at marge's house! grabe, we didnt sleep..we just ate and sang and dances and played jackstones and power pusoy (them) and fought over the songs we were gonna play and threw food at each other and stole alcohol from marge's parents um, collection? hehe labo..I HAD THE BEST FREAKING TIME!! shit, i missed them sooooooo much. we did everything and nothing. ;p

we got to bond..as in really bond. we sooo needed that, after being apart for almost 2 months. we just talked and talked and talked and almost cried and got depressed and got happy and laughed and got angry and got sabog (actually me lang ;p) and i think that in more ways than one i realized that with janyn and marge, there doesnt have to be a reason..all we need to do is just be. we got to talk about our isues with ourselves (DAMN, we have a lot), our love lives (or obvious LACK OF IT), and practically just everything else we could think of.

janyn, august. :) i swear, august talaga. were gonna show them! ;p

margaret, we love you the way you are..everyone does. and listen to your heart. thats the only youll ever really know. ;p

god, i love my friends. i have had only 7 hours of sleep and possibly 1week's supply of sugar..hehehe grabe. but i feel so damn good. sooo damn good.

2005-06-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

goatees are for losers. ;p

im so bored. tapos i can't sleep pa. hayyyyyyyyyyy.

got to bond with jess and mish today. we were all supposed to go to wackwack to swim and bond and eat, pero bawal si jessi so we went to her house muna, tapos dapat janyn was gonna habol at jess's house..anyways we played jackstones AGAIN (guys, ang loser natin ;p) and i think i won!! hahaha..we got to talk about some pretty deep stuff..i'm really really really happy i got the chance to be close with the two of them this summer. i mean, in the past kasi the only two people i was REALLY REALLY close to were janyn and marge lang, and duh, they obviously weren't around. but mish and jess were, and you know what? im really really lucky that we got stuck with each other. i have learned so much from them. and it is true that there are different kinds of friendships, and im freaking glad that i got to strengthen mine with them. its been a great summer guys, seriously. i love you soooo much mish and jess. i guess you can say we did everything and nothing all at the same time, because even if technically we did DO NOTHING, we learned almost everything. hahaha..labo. basta, i wont ever forget this summer, the summer of doing nothing and talking on the phone everyday and swimming and videos and embarrassing moments with yayas. i love you both. ;p anyways, went to wackwack after jess's house, janyn was supposed to follow nalang..tapos bigla she couldn't go, so it was just mish and me! haha we were supposed to eat TAPOS MY DAD CALLED and bigla they picked me up. the fuck. sayang i didnt even get to swim OR EAT. damn my father..not. i love my daddy :)

were gonna watch sin city tomorrow! cant wait!! the movie looks astig pare..jessica alba's hot..oops, im a girl pala. im supposed to be lasaping the guys! ;p

THE YM DAYS HAVE COME ALIVE AGAIN!! and nico is back! nico i missed you sooo much! ;p and i seriously miss the confe days..nyeh drama. hahaha ;p

summer's almost over. malapit na birthday ko!! ima be 16 soon..omg. hehehe ;p

gio's goatee must die! HAHAHA loser, were gonna pluck it all off while youre sleeping. HAHAHAHA! mish is mine.

2005-05-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

signs suck

i didnt see him today. oo na lord, i will get over him na! yes lord, i know its A SIGN!! im really trying, oo na oo na oo na. dammit everything always has to be in my face.

stole this from marge's blog:

Why does it have to be like that? When the something you want is the one you can't have. It hurts when you have to let go, when you're dreaming on maybe's and if only's... And you don't even know why.

God, i wish i had the answers. i just DONT understand why we always have to ask the questions that enver seem to have the answers. wtf, im not even making sense here. its just that kanina janyn, jess, and i got to majorbond at jess's house over, ahem, issues. my issues, janyn's issues, and jess's issues. we got to talk about our MAJOR MAJOR insecurities, and i think we finally, completely admitted to each other that YES, we all are pikon and sensitive, we all DO get hurt when you say it in fron of others, and YES, we know we look bad enough already, you dont NEED to stick it in our faces. its just soooooo arggghhhhhh, ang frustrating sometimes talaga.

anyways, here's what we did today. janyn picked us up late pero nakahabol padin kami sa onting program ni paco, tapos after that we moved to podium to eat and stuff. gio came tapos he was alone na naman, poor uglyboy. hahahaha GET RID OF IT!! harhar ;p anyways we watched madagascar (again for me), pero i still found it funny! hehehehe..tapos kinda bonded with sila jules, paco, and gio..pero gio left early, so there. hahah ang funny super ni jules and paco!! paco's so lively lately! went to jessi's house after awhile..and well, we just bonded and ate.

im reading my old blog right now..omg, things HAVE changed. i think im much more conyo-ish now, and ewan..different topics, and i was much deeper before, more madrama. hahaha labo. grabe, i guess i really REALLY REALLY liked him dati. OMG. its really sayang in a way, it couldve been more..i guess. pero i think in many ways we both moved on na eh..i mean, i know i have. and im sure he has na. we like different people na, and we hardly talk anymore, and ewan, guess its just not there anymore. but he's still a really good friend. ;p WTF?? ANG LABO!!! my bonding with mah girls kanina is really getting to me. harhar..and i kinda miss getting deep. blogging really is good therapy, serioso. besides, keeping things inside of you is like really unhealthy, kasi it confuses our cancer cells. hehehehe ;p

sin city and a lot like love are palabas na tomorrow! I WANNA WATCH THEM BOTH!! i wanna go out. sometimes i really hate being stuck in this wretched house. damn.

MY MOM IS SUCH A BITCH. feeling niya sobra sobra sobra sobra sobra. sorry ah, were not as pretty and all that as you eh. sorry im just like this.

i think a lot of my insecure shit comes from the fact that my mom sometimes, i dunno, PATRONIZES me. (is that the word?) its not my fault she's prettier, or grew up with better skin (mine sucks), or is just so much better at everything she didn't need an outlet or something anymore. sorry ah. mana kasi ako kay daddy eh. tss, my dad's smarter noh. TSS. irritating.

argh. LIFE SHITS. MAJOR MAJOR TALAGA. i am pissed.

2005-05-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

jess is a lesbian

im leaving in awhile for MEGAMALL, not gale pala. harhar pero its so malabo, i dunno talaga for sure if 1-3 yun show niya or 4-6 ba, kasi ibaiba sabi ng mga people. hehe anyways ubergoodluck to him! go paco go! hehehe..i think were gonna be late, janyns not here yet eh. uh-oh. paco just might eat us alive. harhar ;p

marge cant go na naman today CRAPSHIT!! apparently tieng-mommy dearest has the driver. marlito must be cloned. dammit.

JESS IS HERE! jess is a lesbian, we are lesbiMJKLJKSCNKDLNVLKDNVKVNKDVMan lovers! HARHARHAR HAHAHHAHA

sorry, loser ni jess she's manipulating my blog. she must die.

if i see him today i will shoot myself or jump from the top floor. AHHHH SHIT now that i think i might see him i DONT wanna see him. fuck it all

jess is going to do her friendster profile now, bye! ;p

SHES A LOSER!!!!!

2005-05-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

ohmahgawd i missed ek. i need to die now.

janyn and jessi and me hungout here at my house for like the whole day kasi we were OBVIOUSLY not at ek. ahhh shit talaga!! im so..saddened. pero it was fun, we just pigged out and friendstered and bonded and insulted ugly people. ;p janyn is today's official jackstone champion. DAMMIT bakit hindi ako??? hahaha..tapos before they left we lovecalculator-ed practically everyone we know..SHIT, marge and HIM!! freaking sayang man..grabe. JANYN WORE MY SHORTS SO NOW SHE HAS TO EAT IT! hahahahaha labo. i didn't get to watch the season starter thing of the o.c, crap kasi nila eh!! haha not. i seriously love bonding moments with my friends. i usually learn lots of shit from these things.

right now im just so thankful that i have friends like them. i mean, with them i can be real. myself. i dont have to pretend to like things that i dont, or talk about topics i hate. i dont think its that easy to find friends like them, kasi with them we can talk about anything and everything and not give a shit.

marge and me kinda talked din kanina, and grabe, shit im fucking annoyed na shit like this has to happen to her. OF ALL PEOPLE, to her pa talaga. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. damn the world sometimes. anyways, just so you know, im always here for you, you bitch. love you freak! ;p

we're going to gale tomorrow to watch paco's trumpets thing. cant wait to go out! hope paco does uberwell. were proud of you man! tapos after that were gonna watch madagascar..shit nga eh, i watched it na, pero ohwell. whatever.

bonded with jules today. brother! amen. ;p

I WANN JOIN CUE! I WANNA DO AFC! shit i really hate my mom sometimes, seriously. i NEED an outlet, and she wont let me have it. she never lets me do the things i want to do, and its so frustrating, kasi feeling ko tuloy na im not capable of anything. thanksalot mom, i feel insecure enough already. dammit.

shiiiiiieeeet, one more week of freedom nalang. time flies soo fast. im old.

2005-05-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

gotta gotta be down because i want it all..

may23: star wars iii. ANAKIN IS FREAKING HOT. kahit na nasusunog na siya hot padin. ahh nga noh nasusunog pala so hot talaga. pero seriously, he WAS WAYYY HOT. and the movie was nice! i lurrrveee star wars and ive seen them all! harhar labo.

may24: sam and enrico's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ;p hehehe labo.

may25: D-DAY. the babes have returned. grabe, we waited for like 2HOURS with the heat and the stinky, BO people (shit bad ko)..tapos me and jess were like crying na kasi ang tagal tapos sobrang emotional pa nun mga nanyayari sa surroundings namin kasi their arrival was like sabay with the japan airlines thing, tapos it was all so sad kasi i would see women trying to hold their kids but the kids wouldnt let them kasi they dont remember their own moms anymore..shit that must be painful. tapos THEY FINALLY CAME. grabe at first they couldnt see us kasi we were at the other end of the aisle thing, tapos i was calling them at the top of my lungs and crying at the same time and it was all so embarrassing tapos jessi and baning were all weird nadin, TAPOS FINALLY THEY FOUND US!! tapos there was everyone screaming and hugging and crying and wala lang..i just really missed them. whew, kapagod yun ah. hahaha anyways after that we went to carla's house and ate, sarap ng chicken! tapos after that went to rockwell to celebrate their arrival..hahaha labo. watched house of wax! FUCKING DISTURBING!! some people are freaks talaga. hahaha.

may26: ASHANTI! was cooler than i expected. bonding janyn and marge and marge's family. weirdo april chick and the gay couple in front of us! hahaha unstoppable laughter pare! hahaha labo.

may27: went to watch the trumpets performance of nel, fair, and TONS OF OTHER ICANS, and jio (astig ni jio padin!), and gio's sis billie. kakaiba nun play! weird in a good way, i guess. GRABE GIO TAKSIL NA KAPATID!!! hindi pinanuod ang play ng kapatid!! hahaha anyways, after the play we went to the department store (we were in megamall) to look for school shoes for janyn pero we had a budget..so we went to the kiddie's section and SOBRANG FUNNY KASI SOBRANG ALIW NUN SHOES BUT NONE OF THEM FIT JANYN hahahahahahah SOBRANG FUNNY! tapos gio came tapos he kinda got lost in the ladies' shoes dept tapos he hungout with us while janyn shopped and serioso, i think the guy was dying na. hahahaha tapos mish came and they bonded YAY!!! hahaha pero for awhile lang kasi mish had to leave and we had to nadin and gio was left behind. awww, sorry gio, hindi kasi sumama! when we got to eastwood we ate at yellow cab, tapos mish came but all the food was gone so we went to superbowlofchina to have dessert tapos si mish, her dinner. haha BONDING!! i miss you guys na talaga, serioso. i NEED you guys. we were supposed to watch madagascar but i had to be home by 9 so there. sorry guys.

may28: did nothing. haha.

may29: watched madagascar with my cousin ina, super FUNNY!! tapos went to mass, i didnt receive communion kasi ewan, for some reason i felt undeserving. anyways, had this whole blowup fight with my mom about ek kasi BIGLA she didnt allow me na naman at the LAST FUCKING MINUTE kasi daw 2 girls lang kami tapos sila gio kasama namin. WTF EH SILA GIO LANG UN EH!!! those guys are like barkada na halos..hay. so anyways i was super crying and i locked myself in the bathroom and my mom was practically tearing the door apart kasi kala ata nila i was gonna try to kill myself or something. hahaha they wish. so i finally came out AND HINDI PAKO NAGIDIDINNER KASI ANG HABA NG BLOG KO kasi i like locked myself for like 2hours! the fuck.

shit, im gonna miss ek!! this sucks. ima kill myself na, seriously. arghhhhhhhh its so frustrating, tapos my mom feels pa na lagi im gonna do something wrong. i dnt understand why she doesnt trust me. im sooo pissed at her right now. buti nalang janyn and jess are gonna be over here tomorrow, kasi i think she felt bad and shit so she texted janyn and asked her to come. labo ng nanay ko. ARGHH.

its been like forever since i last saw him. feeling ko its a sign na, kasi everytime im supposed to something always goes wrong. hayyyy crapp shit.

ang long ng entry na to!! coolness. and im typing weird, parang tuloytuloy na ewan. and im all oc about grammar and shit pa naman. ohwell.

oh bakit ba, pag wala ka na, ako'y kulang, ako'y kulang

gotta cal marge. i miss her.

2005-05-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

cherry coke

i want cherry coke. kasi diba, when you drink it parang you can taste the cherry, tapos diba its so masarap? lalo na when its cold? diba? DIBA? jhahahahahahahahahhahaha sorry, loser moment.

I AM DYING A SLOW DEATH. i am sooo bored na. its been forever since i last went out. lahat kasi ng gimiks namin napopostpone/nacacancel. im truly dying a slow death. WTF???

this friday: star wars 3!! anakin here i come! please please please lets tuloy this na. magsusuicide nako pag hindi pa natuloy! hehe mish, please go! i miss you! ;p

went to jessi's house the other day, HAHAHA FUNNY:

mish, dyan, and jessi, jackstone session.

jessi: okay so rules natin no everything! AS IN NO TOUCHING NEIGHBOR, HHAHAHAHAHA!

dyan and mish: HAHAHAHAHA OO!

dyan dies at stage 2. tss, galing.

jessi dies at stage one, first jack palang. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

dyan: jess, bakit ang baba ng bounce ng ball pag ikaw? HAHAHAHA!!!

mish: i am the master!!! (stage 4)

jess: TOUCHING NEIGHBOR, MOVING PLACES KA!! DEAD KA NA!!!

dyan: HAHAHAHA kala ko 5 lang un siopao eh, malay ko ba!

si dyan at mish malayo na ang nararating, si dyan stage 10 na, si mish exhibition na, si jess, stage one padin.

dyan and mish: HAHHAH grade 3 nga!!!

HAHAHAHA wala lang, super funny. i love my friends. ;p

janyn and marge are gonna be back next week. I CANNOT WAIT. I CANNOT. were gonna sleepover when they get back! ;p ima pick them up too at the airport!! sana madrama! not.

were not classmates anymore. that REEALLYYY shits. ohwell, everything happens for a reason..and im glad i got viv. ;p

ANG KUUUULIIIIT. adorable. ;p

im going crazy..trying to keep it together but im falling apart.

2005-05-06T00:58:00.000-07:00

someday we'll know

why i wasnt meant for you..

LIFE SHITS. i got home 11minutes late yesterday, and my moms been ubertime-obsessed lately, so i think im STILL grounded. pero my cousins say na im probably not grounded na, kasi its justified or something kasi 11minutes lang. WTF????? hahaha ;p

i had so much fun with mish, jessi, and paco yesterday! paco is the best, ang nice nice nice nice and funny niya talaga. hes sooo easy to talk to pa! hahaha hey paco, i hope you liked the cake! ;p hehe..mish im so sorry about yesterday..i was just freaking out kasi nga, my mom. anyways, we went to this religious concert thing..and it was like a born again thing, praying with your hands raised up and stuff..it actually felt real good. dont get me wrong, im no born-again convert, but the whole thing about God and Jesus, it was enlightening. it feels so good to pray from deep inside. ive always felt na somethings always lacking in my life, and i think now im starting to realize that the most probable reason i feel that way is kasi i dont have much of a relationship with God. i dont know whats wrong with me..i mean, i do want to pray, i do want to talk to Him, pero i think most of the time i just lack the drive..or something. basta from now on, i wanna change that. i wanna be with God.

I WANNA GO TO EK!!..without a chaperone. i hate being watched. feeling ko im always doing something wrong..

i went to the dermatologist kanina..painful, shit! i did the whole cleaning thing, damn, it fucking hurts. i just PRAY my skin gets better.

3weeks nalang and sila marge are gonna be back!! I CANT WAIT.

friendster is sooo bago na..i dunno if its a good or bad thing. wtf.

summers ending soon..i cant believe im gonna be in 3rd year. im so freaking OLD.

i like *-him. yeah, whatever. cant wait to get over it. and yeah, maybe someday ill know why im never meant for any of the guys i always end up liking.

2005-05-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

sunkissed

im back! and im ubertanned and loving it! hahaha..i just love the feeling of the sun burning my skin..hmm. haha labo!

the ubercoolest memories:

tita may and the frisbee

jose cuervo by the beach!

ina's oyster disease

hawaiian shirts

falling off the floater things

..the sunsets

karaoke!

singing phantom of the opera while swimming..hahaha, losers

bonfire

..the sunrise

hay, i had a hell of a lot of fun. i really really really love my cousins. uberbonding! ;p

but i seriously hate my mom right now. shes being herself, the bitch that she is. dont get me wrong, i love her talaga. but there are just times when i wanna KILL HER. ARGH.

i was lying on the sand and looking up at the stars saturday night, and i dont know if it was just the alcohol or it really was me getting to myself (labo), pero ive never felt so..insignificant. i mean, has it ever occurred (how the fuck do you spell this?) to anyone that we are so unimportant? were just tiny dots in a world with 10billion people..labo. this is getting nowhere.

im joining cue on thursday! IM SO EXCITED. I REALLY REALLY MISS MY MTTC FRIENDS. cant wait to ask jess about it tom!

have i mentioned that i hate hate hate my mom right now? fuck her talaga!! tapos she wont let me go to ek pa without a chaperone. kulit putek.

i cannot believe its may na. time flies so freaking fast. janyn and marge are gonna be home in like, i dunno, 20 days? SHIT I CANT WAIT TO SEE THEM!! i really really miss them. i cant wait to tell them about whats happened to me and my life, and how ive changed, and how i hope they still love me, and i cant wait to see how theyve changed but still somehow stayed the same.

i gotta let you know i feel so weak without your touch

i never thought that i could ever love a man so much

i gotta let you know i think that we are destiny

for you id cross the world, for you id do anything

thats right baby

im going crazy

i need to be your lady

ive been thinking lately

that you and me

yes, we can make it

just ride with me, roll with me, im in love with you baby

im definitely going crazy...hahahahaha. my horoscope says i shouldnt tell the world or else id lose any chance of ever getting serious with him. wtf. all my chances are definitely gone then. freaking shit. hahaha.

but its fine. ill get over it, i always do.. livestrong.

2005-04-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

and then i woke up

im alive again!! daaamn, i missed this shit.

im leaving for batangas in 2 hours, mish is probably already in bohol, and..wala lang. jess i love you and im gonna miss you!

i think im grounded. no, i dont think. i freaking KNOW. went home 2 hours late last monday from wackwack and my mom's all bullshit about it. i ALWAYS go home 2hours late! life shits sometimes..but at least by next week im free na again.

my summer is turning out to be not-so-bad! pero pathetic eh, i only go out like 3times a week. i feel like ive been everywhere and gone nowhere. damn thats malabo! hahaha.

I LOVE MISH AND JESS AND VIV. i really really do. summer buddies ;)

shet. ang malaboness ng feeling. matatapos na ang april. kala ko forever iintayin ang pagbalik ni margaret at janyn. shet, theyre coming home soon. i wonder if they'll think i changed or if i'm still the same.

love is like shit..it just happens.

i like someone else now. funny, i thought i'd like *him forever, and i thought i'd never get over **him. ha!

im a good girl now. i believe that going home early and following your parents is a very good thing. duh.

cant wait to go to puerto and bora!!

scotty doesnt know
that fiona and me
do it in may van
every sunday

hahahahahahahahaha.

cmon. this is high school. what is a friend anyway?

jawbreaker.

2005-04-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

back from the doctor's office

holy crap. im sick..not. hehe i just gotta take blood tests para they'll know if i got a whatever or something. hahahaha! yayyyy no more zits!

call me OONS, homies! short for UNA. ;) harhar

i miss my barkada. guys, ITS SUMMER! what we all doing at home doing nothing?? lets bum around and DO SOMETHING!! ;p gio plan a date for ek na! labo labo kasi eh..hehe kidding uglyface!

GUNTHIE AND CHELLY-ANN HARHARHAR. babytalk and LITHPTH. say it out loud GIO! NICE AND CLEAR! for mith! for mith! HAHAHAHA i love my friends. :)

i miss everyone! i just feel so lame lately.

just had the YUMMIEST chocolate cake ever. daaaaammmmnnn, sarap!

its funny, but its like i have these summer routines too. like i always go back to my sim-playing, sweetvalleysenioryear-reading, ancientsupermariogames-playing self once summer kicks in. its like a part of myself comes alive again in the summer, and suddenly im all about looking at the stars and sitting down on empty football fields with my bestest friends in the world, talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. i guess everyone gets different in the summer, because things are always less complicated and easier, and you always end up feeling like you have all the time in the world for things. and then june comes, and the moments just fade away, and everything else is placed in some remote corner in our minds, and every now and then we go back to it, and then you feel like crying when you think of that one summer, because you know you can never go back, and things will never be the same again.

i guess im just missing mttc and my best friends, and *him, and the times when a.k and me used to be friends, and the days when the everything was just so simple.

i wanna feel carefree again. i wanna feel spontaneous, and impulsive.

sometimes you just get sick of whats there. kasi you realize its not so worth it anyway, and you regret spending so much time on it. damn.

I CAN PLAY SOCCER NA! yeahhhhhh, baby.

gotta buy: spikes, HAVAIANAS, clear mascara, those miniskirts from bayo's kiddie section, CETAPHIL

2005-04-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

the boogeyman SUCKS

DAMN THAT MOVIE! pak that shit! hahahaha thank god for jessi.

anyways, went to gale last friday! grabe mish, im sooo sorry about the surprise thing..i know it seriously sucked!! and thanks ramon for the cake! hehe ;) so we left late kasi ANG TAGAL TAGAL NG DAD KO, he made me wait pa before ako nasundo ni jessi. then it was traffic pa, so when we got there it was like 6 na, and mish had to leave at 7. pero buti nalang sila ramon got the cake na! tapos we "surprised" mish. gago ang lame talaga! hehe love you babe!;p so anyways, ramon, marlo, paco, enzo, and jules were there..tapos we ate at sushiya, tapos viv came na, tapos fuck it boogeyman na! FUCKING LAMEASS MOVIE. i like left in the middle of the show and came back nun malapit na matapos..fucking crap talaga yun! i hate scary movies! hehe then after that went to eastwood! lotsa people, there was this concert thing..saw ian and nando! i miss those pangits ;) we wanted to go to basement sana, pero crap we were all in flipflops! harhar..so we went to oj's nalang with sila marlo..hehe sarap pala ng strong ice! pero drinking is bad for your health! hehe..i wanna party. shieet tama na.

I WANNA GO TO EK!! pero looks malabo, everyones bawal kasi eh. jessi please sana pwede ka! chino come back from laguna! esca dont do stuff with your dad na! hehe and sana payagan ako ng mom ko! hahaha bahala na! date nalang si mishbabe and giopangit ;)

pero if hindi tuloy i cant wait to hang at nicos house! I LOVE YOU NICOBABE!! ;)

yayyy lilibre kami ni marlo and ramon! thanks in advance marlo and ramon!! harhar!

kulit ng mundo, kulit ko!

atleast i feel happy..for now. i wonder what bad thing is gonna happen to make me feel sad again?

hmmm..hmm.

2005-04-01T14:40:00.000-08:00

an open letter to the universe

dear *you,

yes, i still like you. a lot. its been, i dunno, a year++, and im back where i started. i know you dont care and its never gonna amount to anything anyway, but i just cant help it. seriously. i know you dont give a damn. ive gone everywhere else and back, but i just end up comparing everyone else to you. yeah, you. YOU. ive had all my friends and all YOUR friends tell me to give it up, to just let it go and move on, but its hard. do you know how hard it is to finally, FINALLY move on and then end up going back? okay, that was really malabo. but ive liked lots of guys. LOTS of guys. ive gone to him, and him, and him, and liked him too, but then i always go back to *you at the end of the day. youre probably laughing your ass off now. whatever. i just wanted you to know. and yeah, ill wait. stupid, i know, but i will. i really will. then maybe someday we can count stars together..........

NOT. never gonna happen. dammit.

OLD HABITS DIE HARD. SERIOUSLY.

im going out today! yeahhhh...im sooo bored. i miss mish and viv and JESSI (yan jessi, mentioned you!KIDDING! ;p). were gonna go to gale to see a movie and eat and bum around and bond and shop. i think sila marlo's gonna come too. haha.

its weird, but my life has changed soo much this past year. last summer i was so busy with EVERYTHING, and there was always something to do, and janyn and marge were here..but this summer there's absolutely NOTHING to do, janyn and marge are gone, and im busy with nothing, and i feel like im getting to old for things..

i think i just have to realize that i have so much to be thankful for, and there are 100000million things for me to do out there, i just have to, i dunno, find it. i have to NOT sweat the small stuff.

and as my mom and titas would say, i just have to give it all up to God. i just have to go back to God.

i have to make the most out of whatever i have. i have to love people and not expect anything in return. i have to learn to love people from afar, and be happy when something good happens to them, even if i cant celebrate that success with them.

i have to be less materialistic. i have to pray.

i have to fully accept the fact that pugsley (my dog) will not live forever, and someday hes going to have to go.

i have to know that scars are beautiful things.

i have to learn to let go, and realize that someday the people i have with me arent gonna be there. i have to realize that all ive got at the end of the day is me.

..this is good therapy!

2005-03-31T20:37:00.000-08:00

and now theyre all gone..

theyre gone. they left na.

summer without marge and janyn? lame. LAME. BIG TIME.

damn, i need my best friends. more than anything. IM SUCH A LAME, DEPENDENT PERSON. PATHETIC. I AM PATHETIC.

my pc's still not fixed! right now im using my cousins laptop. hitech FUCKING HARD!!!

summer's here. it's finally here! i'm not with marge or janyn, but now that mish is back and viv can go out, i'm starting to taste..summer. laboness.

but i seriously need to find something to do. my life is booooriingg. i wanna get a summer job, maybe work for my dad? pero kainis siya eh, he wont let me.

i.need.to.DO.SOMETHING.

my blog is bago na! coolness.

my mom's on my case again, kasi apparently my grades arent good enough to. damn life talaga sometimes.

i miss *him. whatever.

i need to get a life. seriously. I DO.

*happy birthday mish! i know its way late..but still. LOVE YOU BABE! ;) water moments..lots of it. cant wait to see you!

i saw a shooting star the other day. i wished for something i wasnt supposed to, but i still did it anyway. i just..hope it comes true.

life has come full circle again. i think.

i wish i had all the answers..

2005-03-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

wtf?

im stuck at home.

janyn, viv, carla, and grace are at batangas na..YOU GUYS ARE SOO LUCKY! i swear, sometimes i just DONT get my mom. so now all im gonna do is go to jessis house and eat and play sims and do nothing. dont get me wrong jessi, i really do love you naman, its just REALLY lame that were stuck here in manila while theyre bonding with the sun. :(( [i know for a fact that we both feel the same way!]

I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT! ;) but i still havent found the necklace my tito benj and tita dorcie gave me for my confirmation 2 years ago..my moms gonna eat me alive!

why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?

im really gonna miss janyn and marge. i mean, theyre still here, but i just cant help thinking about the fact that theyre gonna be gone soon. my summers gonna be so lame. :(( damn, im REALLY REALLY gonna miss them.

SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH ME. im just so..sad.

talked to jessi last night. maybe its just all in my mind now. maybe its not really *him anymore..

i think its someone else now.

i think i should just lesbian-ize myself. laboness.

baby you should let me love you, love you love you love you..

SUMMER NA!! IM FREE.

2005-03-20T20:08:00.000-08:00

:((

sunday night, feeling bored and looking for money.

daaammnn. we need money to pay for the utangs of fixated.

who wants to give us 3500? teehee.

i cant go to batangas tomorrow! my mom sucks talaga sometimes. i swear, i just DONT GET HER MOODS. sometimes shes so lenient and lets me go everywhere, and then she STARTS HAVING THESE THINGS and suddenly i cant go anywhere. DAMMIT.

I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH! I WANT TO SWIM! i want to not think about my life and its many complications. i want to not feel lost. I JUST WANT TO SWIM.

i miss the stars. i used to count them all the time. nowadays i dont get to anymore.

i can feel myself getting old.

..NOT.

2005-03-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

life is so malabo sometimes..

..its suddenly not so great once its there.

summer's here. YEAHHHH!!!..not really. its weird. ive been waiting for this for sooo long, pero now that its here its like..not all that. i mean, janyn and marge are gonna be gone, mish still has school, and when i go back next year, i wont be with gratitude anymore...daaaaamn. tapos i cant go to afc pa cause of these fucking allergies. :(( what the hell am i supposed to do?? thank GOD jessi and viv are gonna be here for the summer!

you love me but you dont know who i am

im torn between this life i lead and where i stand

you love me but you dont know who i am

so let me go

just let me go

sad songs and rainy days and bittersweet memories..

marge and i went into depression mode kahapon. we just realized how were never gonna experience lots of things..its so hard, wanting to feel things that arent there.

i love my best friends.

i just need to..be.

i was looking for him last friday, but *he never came.

i guess *he's never gonna come.

damn.

2005-03-19T21:24:00.000-08:00

the day after

im going to kill myself.

shiiieeeeeeeeeettttttt. nakakahiya ako!! im so sorry you guys! sheeeettt talaga. the party was sooo FREAKING SABOG. grabe, LOSER. flop talaga. actually for ,e its fine na flop siya, i dont really care, pero what bothers me is the fact na naging sobrang sabog kami. ohwelll, what else is new.

pero super nakakahiya to so many people. sorry to patty, jeanne, patrick, janna, her friend micah, IAN, ANDRE, PERTH, GIO, ESCA, CHINO, RAMON, PACO....shit guys im sorry. and THANKS, grabe. salamat.sobrang maraming salamat.

shitt ang loser ko talaga. i said and did a lot of things i shouldnt have done (tama ba grammar?)..i should NEVER have done.

to my barkada: gago, ang patapon na natin. magpakatino na tayo, serioso. its just that i dont wanna see people like jessi na nahihirapan na dahil lang satin. carla, im sorry. grace, im sorry. MARGARET, youre my best friend. im sorry too. feeling ko kasi ang labo na ng tingin niyo samin eh..labo ba? viv, mish, janyn..fellow patapons. shittt tama na!

okay, we all know im not gonna stop anyway, pero still, i can try diba?

SABOG. harharhar. i laugh but then i dont.

arghh.

,br>

*pahabol: the party was a major flop. noone came. ohwell. at least we got to bring home the alcohol.

2005-03-19T17:59:00.000-08:00

rude awakenings

realizations after last night:

~grabe, no more jose cuervo. for now. (hahaha) i mean, not in public muna..

~i love my barkada. I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO. im really thankful that meron carla, jessi, at marge sa buhay ko..thanks for taking care of us you guys. SHITTT, you guys rock!!! noones ever gonna replace you guys. *mwah

~i love gio, esca, chino, prince, nico..god, you guys, thanks a million talaga..what would have happened if you guys werent there? tama ang sabi ni gio..at least we got to bond talaga.

~i love ramon, paco, and the rest..thanks for being there. thanks for the help. thanks for watching out for us..

~im just glad its over..at least i learned from it. i learned a hell of a lot from it.

~experience..grabe. grabe.

~i still like *him. obviously. perth im sorry.

~partying is bad for your health..NOT. hahahaha!

okay, so ik probably not gonna change. okay, so maybe ill do it again. pero next time im gonna be more maingat and im gonna watch out for my friends.

im such a bad friend. i let mish, viv, and janyn down. instead of watching out for them sabog din ako..tapos i let my other friends down..

ok, i have to move on. i have to NOT think about it. grabe.

*him

still *him

what a malabo life i live..

2005-03-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

daaaaaammmnnnn

SUMMERRRRRRRRR....cant wait. AHHH.

2nd auds for debate on friday. shit i hope i make it...

janyn-I WILL MISS YOU. its not that easy to get rid of me noh. hahaha you love me too much. ill be singing my whitney houston songs just for you!

margaret-CALL ME. all you gotta do is dial. KAYA MO YAN MARGARET! i miss you!

MOOD SWINGS. ;p

im soooo tamad to study na. i swear, sobrang patapon ng lahat ng pt ko. ohwell, bahala na. :((

math sucks.

batangas on the 21st, fixated on the 19th! sabugans and patapons lets get together......yeah!

im gonna miss gratitude. fuck it i really am. things arent gonna be real anymore.....i cant be myself anymore. i know a lot of people judge me na agad, and honestly i dont give a damn what they think, but its just gonna be hard, making pakisama again to a new group of people. i hate saying goodbye..

maybe tomorrow it'll all go back to normal. maybe when we come back things wont be so bad.

its still *HIM. no way out, i guess.

doesnt that sound familiar

doesnt that hit too close to home

doesnt that make you shiver

the way things couldve gone

daaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmnn.

i guess im still hoping hes the one.

STUPID.

2005-03-14T21:06:00.000-08:00

exams suck

CLE SUCKS PARE!!! can virtu just die?? sana matanggal lahat ng rebonded pubic hair niya sa pagcheck ng paper!! THE WHOLE FUCKING BOOK? shit niya!!

I HAVE TO STOP CURSING!!

I FEEL PRETTY OH SO PRETTY..

i need to cut my hair! i need to fix my bangs!

I NEED TO GO TO THE BEACH!! i need to feel the sun on my face..laboness.

EK OMG ITS SO TULOY NA!!

shit..i can FEEL summer. so near yet so faaarrrr..

~fixated~march18,friday~8pm-1am~aic gold tower rooftop, meralco ave., pasig city~php120/ticket~php20/beer~php70/shot~invit everyone you know!~sabugan party of the summer!hahahaha lets drink til we drop!hahaha~see you there! ~

~highly unrestrained~

2005-03-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

fucking requirements

damn clearance. i hate compiling all the past worksheets, handouts, portfolios and shit. sobrang epal sa buhay!

terrible things that have happened to me this week:

-i lost my math worksheets and homeworks and exercises for the ENTIRE 3RD QUARTER. so now i have to freaking do them all again. crap that shit!

-i had to rewrite all the stuff in my chinese workbook vol1 because they had to be done in ballpen, and i already did them using a pencil. so i had to rewrite the WHOLE DAMN THING AGAIN.

-there was this issue about fixated, kasi sila sam's gonna have their own party on the same date, so parang..medyo conflict. pero anyways, its fixed na. were still having the party! ;) and yoko naman ng gulo with sila sam. i mean, honestly speaking, i really do like them naman eh. seriously.

-MY ALLERGIES. MY ALLERGIES. i miss eating egg sandwiches after school and before i go to bed. :((

-we are the only ones who still have school. FUCKING DEPRESSING!!

okay, so theyre not that bad, pero still!..i gotta stop complaining. i gotta start counting my blessings!

I GOTTA STOP CURSING! CURSING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH..LABONESS.

successful p.e presentation! viv you rock my socks! ;)

shit, gotta find myself a chinese-inspired outfit for health tomorrow!

what the world needs now, is love, sweet love..

I CANT WAIT FOR SUMMER!!!

~fixated~highly unrestrained~

2005-03-07T21:48:00.000-08:00

FIXATED

the party IS ON!! SEE YOU ALL THERE! details soon. YES YES YES.

fixated. YEAH.

2005-03-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

fucking allergies..

i now know the reason for my highly irritating and bad skin. I HAVE FUCKING ALLERGIES!! apparently im allergic to dust, dust mites, etc. and possibly chocolate and corned beef and all that shit. pero were not sure yet. im gonna go to the allergy doctor this weekend to take allergy tests. :(( i hate needles.

absent na naman ako today.......akams gonna eat me alive!

i feel fat na!! my moms on one of her cooking things again..pamatay ang dami na naman pagkain dito sa bahay. sana tumaba na ako. ;)

got to bond with mish and gio, chino, and nico last saturday. i love those pangits. gio bentang benta! haha KAY MISH KA LANG!!

FUCKING ALLERGIES TALAGA!! my face is itching all over the place..so are my eyes. FUCKING ALLERGIES!!!

gratified aint no more. laboness. apparently its cancelled na..too bad. :(( i dunno if im happy or sad or relieved or something. ohwell. ibang party na lang!!

im at the point of no return..i dont think i have a choice but to just take things as they come. but it still matters. it will always matter.

i really really really want to go shopping. saw lots of cute miniskirts at gingersnaps. MY SIZE!!!

so is love in the air or not? how am i supposed to know? its not like i feel anything anymore....

congrats to ivan aldover, ahs prom king school year 04-05! coolness pare! ;)

FUCKING ALLERGIES!!!!!!!!

2005-03-04T02:10:00.000-08:00

I WANT JOLLIBEE!!

i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to eat jollibee!! jessi ang bad mo wherever you are! sobrang nagdaramdam na ako..:(( i need my fish fillet supreme!

shit. we need a place for gratified..house of david doesnt allow alcohol and ayala heights naman the party has to end at 11pm..fucking lame. AHHH were so dead SHIT.

cant wait to gimmik tomorrow! rockwell with the pangits! haha i miss those guys like hell..haha you guys better be good and make sure we bond this summer!!! ;)

BUT. the most important thing is: BONDING WITH MISH!! i miss mish pamatay grabe na :(( gio sakin muna siya! teehee.

nobody said it was easy..its such a shame for us to part..

RAMON OMG THANK GOD!!! i think he found us a place OMG THANK FREAKING GOD!!! SAVIOR!!! pamatay!!!

i wanna go out..i wanna party..

I WANT JOLLIBEE!!

rotten eggs and bittersweet chocolate saved my life.....

I NEED TO GET A LIFE! i want him.....

2005-03-03T02:43:00.000-08:00

party hungry..

i wanna party na talaga! everyone please come to gratified! its gonna be the best party ever! cant wait to dance the night away....

i like him. again. dammit. why is my life so fucking depressing? i think im cursed.

things to buy for the summer:

bikinis
miniskirts
short shorts
havaianas
soccer things
i wanna buy chucks..but im too small. laboness.

GRATIFIED!! yeah. shit sana success!

XAVIER BOYS FUCKING SUCK. i mean, no offense, but you guys are just so FUCKING KUPAL. god, u guys should just drop dead and die. feeler shitass tangina. karmahin sana.

and some icans just SUCK. arte arte feeling conservative. fucking flirts naman. you guys are full of shit. seriously.

why cant people just be real??? this is so freaking irritating. dammit.

2005-03-02T23:17:00.000-08:00

in school

i am in school. obviously. teeheehee.

janyn is reading and insulting some persons blog. ebil. but i kinda agree..shit he's so cute!!!

im so..not happy. but im kinda happy anyways. fuck it.

like him..NOT. yeah, i still do..

DEBATE TRYOUTS LATER!! goodluck to me and jessi..AHHHHH.

still looking for the same things..

WHEN THE HELL IS SUMMER GOING TO COME? afc. ballet. the beach.

~gratified~friday, marh18~8pm-12am~PHP120 drinks not included. PHP20/beer~House of David (2nd floor), State Condominium 4, Ortigas Ave. take the service road.~for the benefit of bantay bata~PARTY WITH A PURPOSE! invite everyone you know!~see you there!

2005-02-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

broken sonnet..

[Intro]

[Verse]
And now I concede, on the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
Now I will, repeat in this fourth line
That I love you, I love you

[Pre-Chorus]
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

[Chorus]
'Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side

[Intro]

[Verse]
The clock on the TV says 8:39 PM
It's the same, it's the same
And in this next line, I'll say it all over again
That I love you, I love you

[Pre-Chorus]
I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

[Chorus]
'Cause tonight I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side

[Bridge]
Lie down right next to me, lie down right next to me
And I will never let go, will never let go

[Ad-Lib]

[Chorus]
I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side

[Bridge]
Lie down right next to me, lie down right next to me
And I will never let go, will never let go

[Ad-Lib]

[Outro]
But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you

[End]

..when, oh when, am i going to fall in love? dammit.

2005-02-26T19:41:00.000-08:00

i love my life ;)

hmm..its weird, but the bad things in my life suddenly seem to make things so much better. i dont think ive realized until now how much ive become such a bad daughter lately. i think i really learned my lesson. im never, ever, ever, gonna answer back again. damn, i missed ek. and ewan, i think this time im really gonna be a good girl na. bagong buhay! *tear*

SHIT I MISSED EK!!! sobrang fucking depressing talaga. ohwell..

i love my friends. noones ever gonna replace them.

im so happy....;)

God rocks my socks ;)

i need..the sun. I CANT WAIT FOR SUMMER.

i love my mom. grabe. and i love my family! my cousins rock.

YES YES YES. YES. hahahaha. BIG SMILE. ;)

I MISSED EK!!! :((

2005-02-22T02:26:00.000-08:00

beatbox-ing ;p

JESSI IS THE BEATBOX MASTER!! hahaha music class is soooo cool. sobrang fun gumawa ng rap song..yeahh chicha's tuwing martes!

im so excited for summer!! can't wait to play soccer..afc here we come! i gotta get new shoes and shorts and everything else..coolness. teehee. ;)

i wanna go shopping..hahaha.

bonding on thursday! can't wait to karaoke! pero FUCK i hate scary movies. wala na. im gonna die na talaga.

i need i need i need..to get over it. goddammit. broken sonnet...hayy buhay.

shit, i wanna go to the beach......

2005-02-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

counting stars...

i finally finished fixing this thing! thank god. hahaha..thanks mish! grabe, you rock my socks! ;) teehee.

i still set you apart..wherever you are.

xs prom yesterday: i gotta be honest, grabe, ang lame! the whole time we were waiting for the food to be served lang..tapos no dancefloor! :c so we ended up leaving early and going to edsa-shang..dessert table! coolness. thanks to ian's parents. bonding with nuldo, nando, enrico, ian, patty, jeanne and janna. ;)

fucking florante at laura!! i hate memorizing these long tagalog words..

running in circles..nobody said it was easy. nobody said it would be this hard.

my life is so lame.

boredom is a terrible thing..

2005-02-20T17:36:00.000-08:00

im so bored.

mish i miss you! thanks so much ;) mwah. love you! oops. gio loves you more. ;)